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The Hot Corner: Johan Santana, Brett Lawrie, Tiger Woods - Through The Fence Baseball

The Hot Corner: Johan Santana, Brett Lawrie, Tiger Woods

by Jed Rigney | Posted on Wednesday, June 6th, 2012
| 277 baseball fanatics read this article

 

The hottest topics for the week of June 3, 2012 …

Insert your Johan pun here.

Johan Santana: The New York Mets pitcher threw the first no-hitter in the team’s 50-year history. No good joke here, but how about these terrible opening tags: “Johan Solo,” “More like No-han Santana,” “Santana Clause,” “Santana Winds,” and “Black Magic Whoa-Man!”

Draft-day drama: Carlos Correa was the No. 1 pick in the draft by the Houston Astros – making him the highest selection ever to come from Puerto Rico. Also from Puerto Rico: Carlos Beltran, Ivan Rodriguez and “travelers’ diarrhea.”

U.S., eh? Blue Jays third baseman Brett Lawrie was at a mall in Toronto when shots were fired in a food court. Congratulations, Canada! You’re one step closer to being America.

Financially incorrect? TV talk show host Bill Maher revealed he is a minority owner of the Mets. He hopes to use this new everyman platform to continue to rail against the one percent.

Calling it quits: Magglio Ordonez announced his retirement this week, and the White Sox had a small ceremony to honor him – which is a really great way of reminding us all how easy it is to forget that a person ever existed.

It’s about time: The Rockies finally released the aged Jamie Moyer whose batting-practice fastball was getting furiously hammered. But don’t worry about Moyer, he’s already signed up with the AARP.

Extra Innings

Conspiracy theory: The recently sold New Orleans Hornets very suspiciously won the NBA Draft Lottery and will get the first pick. Anthony Davis is expected to be the number-one overall selection. His uni-brow is expected to go in round two.

All time greats: Tiger Woods’ win last weekend moved him into a tie on the wins list with Jack Nicklaus. But he still has a long way to go to catch Nicklaus on the poontang list. They didn’t call him the “Golden Bear” for nothing.

Ice, ice baby: The Los Angeles Kings have a 3-0 lead on the New Jersey Devils and are just one win away from bringing the Stanley Cup to sunny Southern California. Suck it, Canada!

Sugar-free: After a lengthy career of constant blows to the head, Shane Mosley announced his retirement from boxing and announced his retirement from boxing.

Back in the grotto: Crystal Harris and Hugh Hefner got back together – or as I like to call it: She got a supporting role on The Walking Dead.

Richard Dawson: Survey says … dead.

Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Glen Hentz

Post By Jed Rigney (188 Posts)

Jed Rigney covers general baseball randomness for Through The Fence Baseball. His work has been described as "prolific" (which isn't really a compliment). Despite a series of destructive relationships with uncaring women, he has persevered. He is an Aries and therefore quite courageous. He has never been arrested (though he was once "detained" briefly). And he hopes to one day see Gary Busey actually turn a tornado into a rainbow -- if only just once.

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