Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Atman Thakrar
The hottest topics for the week of May 5, 2013 …
Umpire strikes back: The Nationals’ Bryce Harper was ejected from a game after disagreeing with a check-swing call and then brazenly displaying what the umpire referred to as “a weird vibe.”
Hipster: For the first time since his hip surgery, Alex Rodriguez was on the field hitting off a tee, and he did a nice job hiding his LifeAlert bracelet.
More A-Rod: He was really hitting the ball well, so we can only assume his team already had the lead.
Déjà vu: After starting his career as a superstar, things have just gotten worse and worse for the Dodgers’ Hanley Ramirez who broke down again and went back on the disabled list. This guy is baseball’s version of Lindsay Lohan.
Designated hitter: A game-used Mickey Mantle bat that was going up for auction was found to cork in the barrel – but knowing Mickey, it was probably a wine cork.
Shoulder of fortune: Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay is going to have his shoulder tested to see if doctors can isolate where the pain and extreme sucking is coming from.
Hall of blame: Toronto announcer, former pitcher and aspiring-yet-undeserving Hall of Fame candidate Jack Morris accused Boston’s Clay Buchholz of throwing spitballs and added “get off my lawn!”
Blood letting: The Cincinnati Reds auctioned off a baseball stained with Chicago Cubs pitcher Jeff Samardzija’s blood. What are they doing?! Any gypsy can tell you that this is how you transfer a curse.
Boys to men: The Tigers swept the Astros! What’s next? The Harlem Globetrotters beating the Generals? Me beating my 12-year-old nephew at tennis? Gravity? Sunrise? Sunset?
Extra Innings
Semi-tough: Terrell Owens made his debut as a semi-professional bowler with opening scores of 185, 129 and 161. The transition was pretty easy since he’s been semi-professional at football for years now.
Soccer? I don’t even know her! Steven Gerrard, Liverpool’s captain, injured his shoulder and looks like he’ll miss the rest of the season to have gender-reassignment surgery.
Demi tough: Demi Lovato’s new album is being released this week – which is great news for her fans, but terrible news for people with ears.
Looney Toons: Honey Boo Boo’s parents, Mama June and Sugar Bear, got married. The private ceremony was officiated by Papa Smurf.
Assault and Biebery: Justin Bieber was attacked on stage in Dubai during a performance. That’s what he gets for saying that he “hoped the prophet Muhammad would’ve been a Belieber.”
Déjà vu: Last week Lindsay Lohan broke down and went back on the disabled list.