The hottest topics for the week of August 28, 2011:
Big bats: The Yankees hit a record-setting three grand slams in one game against the A’s. The next day Prince Fielder also hit three grand slams … at Denny’s.
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Little League World Series: The Huntington Beach (USA) Little Leaguers defeated the team from Japan. The win brings much-needed inspiration and hope to the residents of Huntington Beach, who are still reeling from their recent disaster — three cloudy days in a row..
Feeling Chipper: 39-year-old Chipper Jones, hitting .407 with a .685 slugging percentage since returning from injury, just announced he will be playing next season. No word yet on what The Devil is due to receive from their bargain.
Poker face: Alex Rodriguez is being investigated for alleged involvement in high-stakes poker games. We all know he’s a gambling man, look at who he’s dated.
Come on, Irene: Due to the amount of rainouts caused by the hurricane, MLB has decided to use Mario Super Sluggers on the Nintendo Wii to settle all delayed games.
Vin Scully: The legendary Dodgers’ announcer will return for his 62nd year in the booth. Due to financial constraints, he’ll only call the first and ninth innings and will also be selling Dodger Dogs on the Top Deck level.
Splitsville: Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter broke up this week. A close friend revealed that Minka felt the relationship was not progressing as she hoped. Also she felt awkward about having to wear the A-Rod mask to bed.
Homecoming: Jim Thome was traded to the Cleveland Indians – the team where he started his Hall of Fame career. And I cannot believe that Katherine Heigl is starring in the remake of Romancing the Stone – just horrible.
Touchdown Jesus: Notre Dame announces that Crist will to start at quarterback. Of course he is – his dad has all kinds of connections.
Pat Garrett: I was going to do a really mean joke about the women’s college basketball coach announcing she has early-stage dementia. But I forgot it.
Too quick: Sprinter Usain Bolt was eliminated from the 100-meter final after a false start. His girlfriend assured him that it happens to everyone.
Fantasy football: Wives and girlfriends are frustrated about men “wasting” so much time doing their “fantasy” drafts for their “pretend” teams – and then go back to reading their Twilight books.
Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Ben Fiandaca, Brian Solari, Grant Klein, Justin Workman, Nick Astrupgaard