The hottest topics for the week of May 28, 2012 …
Rich get richer: Free-agent pitcher Roy Oswalt came to an agreement with the first place Texas Rangers, passing on teams like the last-place Red Sox and last-place Phillies – though it’s unclear what he based his decision on.
Me and Yu: I overcame a wicked stomach virus to bring you this week’s Hot Corner. Similarly, the Rangers’ Yu Darvish overcame a stomach virus to get his seventh win of the season. His team wasn’t the only one with the runs.
Speaking of which … Pujols has been on fire this week for the Angels.
Pay day! Adam Jones signed an $85.5 million dollar extension with the Orioles – marking the first time something’s stayed in Baltimore since bad weather and drug dealers.
New sheriff in town: An ex-LAPD deputy chief will replace the head of security for Dodgers. After the press conference, Rich Wemmer, the outgoing head of security, thanked the fans for their support then beat a reporter with his own camera bag.
Not-so-Athletic: Manny Ramirez should return this week with Oakland. He’s expected to play the final 80-100 games with a chance of being released after 40 on good behavior.
Philadelphia story: Phillies ace pitcher Roy “Doc” Halladay left a game early with a sore shoulder and will be out for 6-8 weeks. Come on, Doc. Heal thyself!
Nothing to see here: Bud Selig emphatically stated that there’s no need for more instant replay in Major League Baseball – coincidentally, his message was sent throughout the world instantaneously using technology that already exists and is used by everyone.
Price is right: Rumors started to swirl that the Yankees might be for sale. But Hal Steinbrenner came out and made it very clear that they were not selling the team his father bought until they’d finished running it into the ground.
Swing batter: The Chicago White Sox’s pitcher Chris Sale struck out 15 batters in a dominant game against the Rays on Memorial Day. I guess one could say it was quite a Memorial Day Sale.
Extra Innings
Pot-pourri: Nick Fairley became the third Lions player from the 2010 draft to be charged with possession of marijuana this offseason. Lion’s coach Jim Schwartz was puzzled: “Weed like to think we’ve been blunt, and in a joint statement, coaches and ownership have tried to avoid the team’s reputation taking a hit, because where there’s smoke there’s fire and we have to nip it in the bud.”
Brick house: The Indianapolis 500 happened last weekend and was won by some dude I’ve never even heard of! And Dale Earnhart Jr., Jeff Gordon or Jimmie Johnson didn’t even race in it! What the hell?
Off the market: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are getting married. I know there’s a ton of dudes out there who wish they were the lucky guy – and a whole bunch that would want to marry Jessica Biel also.
Girl fight: A photographer has accused Justin Bieber of battery. The photographer has been listed in stable condition suffering from acute embarrassment.
Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Stephen Arenholtz, Sepp Thor, Nick Astrupgaard