The hottest topics for the week of October 30, 2011 …
I guess he’ll do: The National Anthem before game seven was performed by Chris Daughtry … For those of you who don’t know, the name Daughtry is a combination of “douche” and “mediocrity.”
Un-congratulations Rangers! The 2011 Rangers were twice just a strike away from winning the World Series in game six, only to lose it all. But no one (2003 Cubs) here will compare (2002 Giants) them to (1986 Red Sox) famous chokers (2004 Yankees) of the past.
Agony of defeat: Rangers manager Ron Washington and his questionable decisions are mostly to blame for his team’s historic loss. I bet he really misses his raging coke habit right about now.
A little help: In addition to home-field advantage, the Cardinals win was also aided by the home-plate umpire having trouble calling balls and strikes. The TV broadcast only rarely mentioned this – which is good because Texas still has the death penalty.
The escaped goat: After his performance in the outfield in game six, Rangers’ Nelson Cruz was warmly welcomed by Bill Buckner and Steve Bartman into the “It’s Not Really Your Fault We Lost, But Yeah It Is” club.
What a relief: Boston starting pitcher John Lackey is getting Tommy John surgery for an injury he actually had for most of the season. It’s no big deal that he kept it secret. I mean, if you don’t tell anyone, then it’s like you don’t have it. Like crabs.
Brew crew: Milwaukee declined the option on Yuniesky Betancourt, but picked up the option on sucking again.
Bye bye, birdie: In what we hope will be his last call to the bullpen, Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa announced he’s retiring from baseball. This is bad news for what will now be the most over-managed homeowners association ever.
Extra Innings
Labor daze: The NBA has canceled more games for the season in this messy lockout. Apparently the negotiations broke down over money. The only thing that would surprise me less is if Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries filed for divorce.
Kim Kardashian files for divorce: After 72 days of marriage, Kim has filed for divorce from New Jersey Nets basketball player Kris Humphries. I guess NBA games aren’t the only things he’s locked out of.
Philly’s best: I was watching the Eagles destroy the Cowboys on Sunday night, and it was pretty cool how Al Michaels called Michael Vick “Mike” like he never senselessly murdered dogs for money.
Tebow or not Tebow: The Denver Broncos told the media that Tim Tebow is still their starting quarterback even after his awful game Sunday that had more missed passes and ball fumbling than the entire season of “The Jersey Shore.”
Twilight time: “Breaking Dawn” is coming soon, and then we’ll know whether “Team Jacob” or “Team Edward” is going to intentionally lose so they can get Andrew Luck in next year’s draft.
Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Glen Hentz, Justin Workman