The things Jeff Samardzija wants to say

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Jeff Samardzija
Oh to be inside the head of the winless Jeff Samardzija. (Scott Cunningham/Getty Images)

Note: This is how I picture a rant from Jeff Samardzija might go right about now. While expletives have been left out — to avoid giving offense to younger and more sensitive readers — inserting one every second or third word will likely provide greater accuracy. 

Are you kidding me?

Fourteen straight trips to the mound, going back to last year, and not one single win? I’ve got 10 quality starts in that span, too, but you so-called big leaguers are just 2-12 in those games. Two. And. Twelve.

What more can I do to get a win? After six scoreless innings in Atlanta on Saturday, what do I have to show for it? Nothing. Nada. Zero.

Well, not exactly zero. How about One-point-Four-Five? That would be the lowest ERA for any starter in the majors not named Johnny Cueto, and Cueto’s got three wins already this year. He’s Joe Montana, and I’m Ron Powlus. There’s some Notre Dame humor for you.

People sometimes say wins are a meaningless statistic for starting pitchers, and I really want to believe that’s true. But take a look at Masahiro Tanaka. Yes, that guy who the Cubs were supposed to outbid everyone else for, until they got outbid by the Yankees. He had 24 wins, and zero losses. None of his other statistics mattered too much, did they? So why does Tanaka get $155 million, if wins don’t really matter? Wait, answering that question means you’d need to give me something, and it’s abundantly clear that’s out of the question, so never mind.

Matt Garza told me to pitch my way out of Chicago and you know what? I’m trying to. This can’t go on like it has for the past year. I pitch like an ace, and several other teams will need one of those down the stretch this year. Please let it be a team with a chance to get me in some meaningful ballgames in August and September. There won’t be any meaningful ballgames in Chicago until 2016, if then.

Sometimes I dream about pitching a good game, where the offense picks me up, and the bullpen carries it across the finish line. Those dreams are sweet but, for as long as I’m in Chicago, that’s  all I’m going to have.

I’m 6-0 in my dreams, with an ERA of, let’s say, One-point-Four-Five. But here in Chicago, I’m oh-and-three. What’s wrong with this picture? Everything!

I get sympathy from people all around baseball, but I’d trade it in for a little run support and a halfway decent bullpen. Chicago offers neither of those things right now.

I’ll keep putting on a brave face, and saying all the right things to the media. After all, the Cubs are the ones who sign my paycheck.  But may all of that be different, once August rolls around.

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