MLB Trade Deadline: The Baldwin Scale 2 – Tokyo drift
Continue Reading - Pages: 1 2
To most people, Tuesday, July 31, 2012, is just another day in the seemingly endless stream of days that flow through one’s life on the way to the Big Adios. However, this date means a heck of a lot more if you’re a baseball fan, team, player, writer or all of the above. It’s the Major League Baseball trade deadline.
And, on the whole, it was quite an entertaining day, indeed – a flurry of trade activity and inactivity that thrilled the senses and boggled the mind. Lots of smart moves intertwined with some very questionable moves and a lot of very questionable non-moves.
Since we can’t really know how all these trades will work out for months and, in some cases, even years, any grading now will be somewhat arbitrary. Some of you who have been reading my jibber-jabber for a while might remember, when faced with the problem of how best to grade each team’s performance at the trade deadline, I was equal to the task and concocted a grading system jam-packed with arbitrariness that would do the job. Excuse me while I whip this out:
The Baldwin Scale™.
The Baldwin Brothers – Alec, Daniel, Billy and Stephen – are as beloved a group of brothers as has ever existed. They are practically royalty in America – especially because they don’t do much work these days and rely heavily on their past accomplishments for anything they have now. These four brothers, whose successes and failures have been entertaining us all for decades, each have differences in politics, religion and vegetarianism, as well as varying levels of talent, handsomeness and craziness. And it is from these differences that I derive the Baldwin Scale™.
Alec – The most successful of the brothers Baldwin. He’s had his ups and downs in life. Hey, nobody’s perfect, buddy. He’s a cultural icon who now does commercials for Capitol One credit cards and pretty much any acting gig he’s offered as long as the check clears the bank and the craft services table is fully stocked.
Billy – The busiest of the brothers Baldwin. Of course you couldn’t name one thing he’s done in the last two years, but rest assured, this guy just keeps on working. And why shouldn’t he? He’s still got that handsomey handsomeness that makes you think you might be willing kiss a dude just this one time, just to see how magical it could be (not me, of course, other people think that about him).
Stephen – The most disappointing of the brothers Baldwin. Remember how cool he was in The Usual Suspects? Me, too. That was 17 years ago – very, very long years for Stephen. I thought I saw him once at a grocery store near here but it was just a pineapple, a half-eaten bag of potato chips and a fried chicken leg that someone dropped on the ground. Sure, he’s kind of a mess, but at least he’s not …
Daniel – The most disastrous of the brothers Baldwin. Don’t worry, I checked: Yes, he’s still alive. I am completely unable to remember any movie or TV show he’s ever been in even after looking at his filmography. If you came to Hollywood wanting to be an actor and wound up with his resume, you’d be considered a moderate success. But these are the Baldwins we’re talking about here and this one is definitely the worst-Baldwin scenario.
Also a reminder here that Adam Baldwin is not actually related, so we can’t use him. If you had to choose a Baldwin to be, this is probably the guy. He’s had a solid film and television career as far back as Full Metal Jacket and all the way up to TV’s “Chuck” and no crazy Baldwin drama.
While grading the teams, I’m not going to name each team’s general managers in order to spare them some embarrassment (really I just don’t know who all of them are and I’m sure you don’t either). However, we all know the team names, so let’s just stick with that. If you feel you must know who the general managers (hereafter referred to as “GM”) are, then you can go to www.google.com and find out. And if you think I should know who the general managers are and that it’s shabby writing to leave these kinds of details out, then you probably don’t like my writing and haven’t read this far anyway.
As before, let’s start with the bottom of the barrel because I like ending on a high note. Without further ado, here are the Trade Deadline Baldwins™:
Like Daniel himself, these teams disappointed me and pretty much everyone else in many various ways.
Orioles: I’m going to complain about a lot of other teams that didn’t make any trades before the deadline, but to me the Orioles are the worst offenders. They should have dumped some of their players. This team is not making the playoffs and is currently on a beeline to last place. So, trade your veterans to teams in need and get something back you can build with. There is a very thin silver lining – it could have been worse if they had traded for veterans themselves.
Nationals: Of all the teams that are already doing well right now, these guys needed to add a player to boost their team. Maybe they’re just so used to losing that they don’t know what to do when they’re winning. But they could look around and see what the other division-leaders are doing, copy that and then just pretend like it was their own original idea – kind of like Lady Gaga.
Padres: I would feel bad for this team if it wasn’t for the fact they get to live in San Diego – which has the only weather in the entire United States that people of L.A. envy. There was a lot of talk they would trade third baseman Chase Headley, but nothing happened even though they could have scored big for a player who really isn’t all that special. Normally I would put the Padres in the next section up and just give them a slap on the wrist. But this week they ridiculously signed their oft-injured closer Huston Street to a $14 million extension. I hate to get all math nerd on you, but now 1/8th of the team’s payroll goes to one player who pitches 1/30th of the team’s innings. So, unless he’s a great guy in the clubhouse, who cooks a mean BBQ and gives out happy endings, this is a waste of money.
Some good, some bad, mostly bad. Maybe not quite fire-able, but, yeah, just go ahead and fire them.
Rockies: My concern with this team is maybe they think they’re still in it this year. Was there anyone they could have moved? I don’t know. Does anyone care? I don’t think so. Do you remember before the season started when the team’s owner announced that manager Jim Tracy essentially had an infinity contract? I guess that was the Bath Salts talking.
Phillies: Boy, did this team turn into a stink burger fast, or what? Last year they won their division, and this year they’re in last place dumping anyone and everyone. They were rumored to be looking to trade away the struggling Cliff Lee and his entire 4-year/$100 million contract, but the deal fell apart when George Steinbrenner passed away a few years ago. I’m not pleased with what they got from the Giants for Hunter Pence, but since they basically stole him from the Astros last year, I guess it’s only fitting.
Oakland: I hate to be the ones to break it to these guys, but they are actually playing really well. But they need a shortstop and a second baseman to replace the zeros they currently have. I don’t think they should have gone all in, but they have so many trade-able pieces they could have done something. While I appreciate the conservative/cautious approach, they’re going to need to fill those positions at some point, so why not this year?
Share and Enjoy
Continue Reading - Pages: 1 2