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The Hot Corner: Charlie Sheen, The Olympics, Terrell Owens - Through The Fence Baseball

The Hot Corner: Charlie Sheen, The Olympics, Terrell Owens

by Jed Rigney | Posted on Tuesday, August 7th, 2012
| 703 baseball fanatics read this article

 

The hottest topics for the week of August 5, 2012 …

Bryce Harper busts his bat in a fit of Ozzie-like rage.

Giving back: Charlie Sheen, a lifelong Cincinnati Reds fan, pledged to donate $50,000 to the team’s Community Fund. Of course it’s $50,000 worth of gently used porn DVDs.

Home sweet home: The Indians lost nine games in a row on the road. Who would ever have imagined things could be better in Cleveland?

Fire sale: The Phillies traded away Shane Victorino and Joe Blanton. They are dumping anyone they can. Seriously, you gotta get in on this. I just picked up Placido Polanco for $5 and a half-eaten cheeseburger I found behind a dumpster.

You’re outta here: A minor league umpire ejected the PA guy from a game for playing “Three Blind Mice.” Then things got crazy and he ejected a concession guy for yelling, “Nuts!”

Self-inflicted: Toronto Blue Jays center fielder Colby Rasmus has been out of action for a few games because he strained his groin. Sounds to me like maybe he had too much action.

More Rasmus: The real concern here with Colby is that he’ll miss even more games due to going blind.

Aggressive stance: Bryce Harper broke his bat in half when he pounded it on home plate. He then submitted paperwork to become Ozzie Guillen.

We have a problem: The Houston Astros’ month of July was the fifth-worst performance in baseball history. More like Ass-tros. Am I right?

Breaking bad: Apparently, recovering alcoholic Josh Hamilton has been struggling in games because he’s dealing with giving up chewing tobacco. Maybe time to rethink this, Josh. Frankly, nobody likes a quitter.

Extra Innings

The Olympic Games: With 22 medals, Michael Phelps is the highest medal winner in the history of the Olympics. And he has the most medals.

More Olympics: Thought I was watching Olympic fencing until I realized it was a Pawn Stars marathon … See? ‘Cuz “fencing” can mean two things. (Don’t worry, Steve, I won’t tell them who wrote this one.)

If the shoe fits: Former star wide receiver Terrell Owens signed a one-year contract with the Seattle Seahawks. And, since it’s now available, he’s changing his last name to Ochocinco.

Music news: Lady Gaga has announced her next album will be called “ARTPOP” and she stressed that it’s important that the letters in the title be capitalized – though I think we all know who’s capitalizing here.

Mission to Mars: I haven’t been this excited about a robot visiting a strange world since Madonna adopted that African kid.

Off-topic: Okay, so, Chik-Fil-A doesn’t support gay marriage, but McDonald’s won’t let me order a McGriddle after 10:30 am. Who’s the real monster here?

Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Stephen Arenholtz, Glen Hentz

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post By Jed Rigney (202 Posts)

Jed Rigney covers general baseball randomness for Through The Fence Baseball. His work has been described as "prolific" (which isn't really a compliment). Despite a series of destructive relationships with uncaring women, he has persevered. He is an Aries and therefore quite courageous. He has never been arrested (though he was once "detained" briefly). And he hopes to one day see Gary Busey actually turn a tornado into a rainbow -- if only just once.

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