The Hot Corner: Milton Bradley, Yasiel Puig, Michael Douglas

The Hot Corner: Milton Bradley, Yasiel Puig, Michael Douglas

by Jed Rigney | Posted on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
| 2547 baseball fanatics read this article


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Contributors: Jon Sender, Zach Pennington, Atman Thakrar, Glen Hentz

The hottest topics for the week of June 2, 2013 …

Yasiel Puig holds a bat on his shoulder in a composite image with the animals from the film Babe.

This one speaks for itself.

It’s not a game: A jury on Monday convicted former Major League Baseball outfielder Milton Bradley of abusing his estranged wife. He will not be allowed to pass “Go” or collect $200.

Smokin’ Cuban: Top Dodgers prospect Yasiel Puig was brought up to replace the injured Carl Crawford. He had two singles and made a strong throw from right field to first to complete a game-ending double play. That’ll do, Puig. That’ll do.

Stopped short: Cleveland Indians shortstop Asdrubal Cabrera injured his quadriceps in a loss to the Yankees. An injury like that could seriously affect his ability to play shortstop and might even limit him to Derek Jeter’s range.

Young at heart: 111-year old Yankees fan Bernardo LaPallo attended Saturday’s game, and beforehand regaled reporters with tales of meeting Babe Ruth as a boy and watching George Steinbrenner sign his original deal with Satan.

More 111-year old guy: He’s so old, he remembers when A-Rod was good.

Knee jerk: Nationals star Bryce Harper said that his knee is “still swollen and crappy” – so, he’s decided to name his knee “The Miami Marlins.”

Astros-nomical! The lowly Houston Astros have managed to win six actual Major League Baseball games in a row. Keep your eyes open for flying pigs.

Groin pains: Jacoby Ellsbury is sidelined with a tight groin. Matthew McConaughey made a press release on Ellsbury’s behalf stating, “Alright, alright, alright.”

More Ellsbury: A tight groin? Why not just wear looser pants? Do I have to think of everything around here?

Justice got served! Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina has been suspended a game and fined for making contact with an umpire. He appealed immediately so now he’ll be forced to miss his regularly scheduled off-day and given a full-body massage.

Extra Innings

Over the hill: 40-year old Clippers forward Grant Hill announced he would retire from the NBA immediately after cracking in half on the practice court.

Kidding around: The New York Knicks’ Jason Kidd has called it a career, too. He went out on top: back-seat driving the Knicks to a second round loss in which he averaged 0 points.

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie: Neymar signed a five-year contract with Barcelona to play soccer.

No dopes: Nike has canceled its relationship with Livestrong. This is a big blow to the campaign for global awareness of yellow wristbands.

Good riddance: In the most recent episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones about 35% of the show’s main characters were killed off. The episode was titled, “The Miami Marlins.”

Movin’ on out: Amanda Bynes was kicked out of her apartment for murdering its vagina.

Be all you can Bieber: Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber showed up to the Miami Heat and Indiana Pacers game seven dressed in a leather shirt in case you were wondering if he was a macho tough guy.

More Bieber: No word yet on when his Village People cover album will be released.

Cunning linguist: Actor Michael Douglas said in a press statement that his throat cancer was caused by performing oral sex on his wife, Catherine Zeta Jones. Afterwards, he was promptly given high-fives by each member of the media.

More Douglas: At his funeral, expect to hear: “He died doing what he loved.”


Post By Jed Rigney (203 Posts)

Jed Rigney covers general baseball randomness for Through The Fence Baseball. His work has been described as "prolific" (which isn't really a compliment). Despite a series of destructive relationships with uncaring women, he has persevered. He is an Aries and therefore quite courageous. He has never been arrested (though he was once "detained" briefly). And he hopes to one day see Gary Busey actually turn a tornado into a rainbow -- if only just once.

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