Last Saturday, Logan Morrison, one of baseball’s most prolific tweeps, was unceremoniously and curiously demoted to triple-A. There has been considerable buzz that LoMo was shipped to New Orleans, not because of his numbers, but as a slapdown by Florida Marlins management, who haven’t been amused with his tweeting. To be fair, LoMo’s stats have dropped sharply after a hot start, but his OBP ranked third on the big club. Further fuel was added to the fire when LoMo changed his avatar this week from one with the word “Censored” over his mouth to a silhouette of his home-run swing. @LoMoMarlins has more than 60,000 followers not only because LoMo gives us hilarious quips about his life, but also in the way he interacts with other tweeps (friends or foes). LoMo is a cut above the rest in the latter category. #FreeLoMo
(Editor’s note: For those unfamiliar with Twitter, in each entry below, LoMo’s responses are first, followed by the comment that triggered his response.)
H8rs
B? RT @JoshTurnes: @CSNGiants How dumb is @LoMoMarlins? A.) Dumb B.) Really Dumb C.) Really Really Dumb #moron
Better than an Underrated Slut RT @hdbdxixnff @LoMoMarlins ur an overrated bitch
Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed RT @_TBOZ LoMo idk why I follow u. Ur neither funny or good. Plus u play 4 a AAA team
OMG is that a dog in ur Avatar or did u feed a Gremlin after midnight??? RT @yadelc LoMo only because ur my 16th favorite player in florida
Same way it feels 4 u 2 look in the mirror naked RT @TheKOShow: @LoMoMarlins How does it feel to know you will never win a world series?
Your gf didnt seem to think so last nightRT @mattserra6: @LoMoMarlins all you do is tweet..are you a loser?
News flash: the sun is free! Get a tan RT @camrunlewis @LoMoMarlins you should be spending the entire all-star break at batting practice
Ill find you… RT @MattBrown91490 @LoMoMarlins I’m going 2 b at both games Wed. I plan on booing every time I hear ur name! #outoflove&hate
Honesty is always the best policy! RT @TonyCRezz @LoMoMarlins I just voted for Gabby 25 times, and you zero times
Make sure you tune in from ur moms basement! RT @roundingthird22: @LoMoMarlins tonight 0-4 2Ks & GIDP vs Gallardo. Know ur role BITCH!
Rainman almost bankrupt a casino RT @HugeRedsFan: LoMo I think u r 1/2 retard. U must of lacked alot of attention as a child. I feel for you
Youre mad at your barber not me, pal RT @TheClarkness: @LoMoMarlins you remind me Josh Hamilton before he got off drugs
My grandma thinks im special! RT @Mets25Reyes7: LoMo how does a nobody OF call out an all star ss and get away with it? What a douche u r
Comments…sure. I play for the Marlins not the Astros. RT @Mets25Reyes7: @LoMoMarlins ur on the worst team in baseball any comments?
Any suggestions? Grapefruit diet? Subway 6 inch subs?? RT @ListenKickrocks @LoMoMarlins you could stand to lose a few pounds tho LoMo
Im a douche? Had 2 look up “douche” in the dictionary & ur cheesy BusBench realtor photo was there RT @Chase_Cates: LoMo is clearly a douche
You look like an unshaved Subway Jared RT @sportsfan882: LoMo is laughable in LF. What a horrible defender. He looked like a clown yesterday
Erroneous! Scored a 76 on my IQ test, thus making me Normal RT @EricTodoroff: @LoMoMarlins I saw u on Billy’s Bunch today. You are retarded
Ouch. The On-Base streak continues! RT @eatveitmoeSFG: Damn Logan Morrison is a total douche. Hope we throw one at his head this series
“Catapulted”? New thesaurus, Sid? RT @sidrosenberg: Check the MLB Standings this a.m. The Mets have catapulted the Marlins into 3rd!
No. My lane will have bumpers in the gutters RT @AllieJ48 Hey @LoMoMarlins can you bowl better than you play defense?
LoveLife
Wait, did u hear that I dont go all the way?!? False RT @marlinsfan14 LoMo Been a Marlins fan since ’93 want 2 c u guys go all the way!!!
1) WTF?!? 2) Dont knock masturbation, or as I like to think of it – sex with someone I love RT @tntkids: LoMo Did u masturbate tonight?
Pass RT @TaylorCraig @LoMoMarlins if you follow me, you shall have my virginity. after gaby of course.
Depends, does ur mom make chocalate chip pancakes? RT @22brob LoMo What r the chances of us having a sleepover during the all star break?
Most girls feel guilty after a night with me…. (JK) RT @WhatDCSaid: @LoMoMarlins After tonight I feel guilty following you. #philsfan.
LoMo loves the brown suga! RT @DomPerion15: One of my friends said u were racist. I told him no way cause u like the sistas lol
Traditional or French? RT @cyasses LoMo, ill be in founders seats on the third base side monday, come say hey, or ya know, gimme a kiss?
Texted him. His reply “Go to bed, Creep”RT @missdaiana @LoMoMarlins Can you please tell Stanton that I love him? Thanks.
Says the guy pictured w 4 other dudes.. RT @mattserra6: @LoMoMarlins i think your gay you just want to cover it up by tweeting girls
Guess whose Mom has the hots 4 LoMo?!? Oops RT @wilkinsona: LoMo ur a pretty cool guy but dont tell any1 I said that 😉 My son follows u!
Nice try, Teen Mom 3 RT @gabrielleeexooo: @LoMoMarlins will you do the electric slide with me?
Stripclubs in Philly take coupons?!? RT @ekt8750 LoMo Ive got a coupon for one of Philly’s finest strip joint for ya next time youre in town
Way to kiss & tell RT @justinpeterson: @EFCidade I also did @LoMoMarlins too.
LoMo loves Super Cougars! RT @J_DIMPS: @LoMoMarlins Logan why should I give you love when ya never show my 80yr old self any love?
Today, yes I am RT @SeAniZtHeSeX: @LoMoMarlins Are you a virgin?
If I can get a RT 4 the big loaf I just named after u! RT @JMESSMER22: LoMo I just passed a kidney stone & named it after u, can I get a RT?
F*ckin’ Zoo’s closed Ray RT @derek2jack: LoMo shouldn’t u be spending less time tweeting & more time rehabing ur foot?
It’d be like trying to get a crackhead to sit still RT @ajg6882 @LoMoMarlins Now we couldn’t shut you up if we tried. #NotReallyTrying
And ruggedly gorgeous… RT @lorizak: Ok, so if you are not already following @LoMoMarlins you are seriously missing out. Dude is hilarious.
Just some creep with a Twitter acct RT @randomusernames @LoMoMarlins you’re pretty funny, I wish I knew who you were.
Diversity=following a white kid from the Midwest? RT @trisha37: People tell me 2 follow LoMo. I like diversity in my timelie, so, here goes
I also have tattoos & many leather bound books RT @MarissajustMay: How was I not following LoMo until tday? Dude has some serious tweet game
Buh bye RT @EddieMac83: it was fun jumping on the LoMo tweet train, but too main stream! After a year Gotta bail, no t-shirt or follow
Oh I “get it” A lot RT @JamesonFleming: My #FF goes to two athletes who “get it” on twitter: @LoMoMarlins and @EnglishScope24
Tough luck pal RT @CoryCasuso: LoMo I began following u 2 c when u’d b back dominating 4 the Marlins. Not tweeting abt dumping on the plane!
Are your jeans holeless? RT @ARS4868: Will your tweeting lessen when u r back with the club?“@LoMoMarlins:
Only one full frontal of Julius Caesar… RT @SFG1ants: @LoMoMarlins how many roman have you had expose themselves on twitter? [Ed. Note: A typo changes everything….]
Its like the walk of shame!! RT @manny_t_: #Braves fan following @LoMoMarlins??? I feel so dirty…
Thou? Is this Shakespeare? RT @pakpakpaul: LoMo U put a capital N on normal. I have my doubts abt u being normal.Still my favorite plyr thou
Random Acts of LoMo Followers
Thats actually correct drunk pronunciation RT @Saints2324 At Marlins game my 17 mo son was calling LoMo “momo” after his hr. Cant yet say L
2 pats & 1 circular rub RT @kato_p_green @LoMoMarlins Are you a one back pat or two back pat kind of guy? #creepyhugs
Theyre like a cowboys belt buckle RT @andrewmulville @LoMoMarlins do you have large nipples or no?
The part where i snorted wasabi? RT @trl3789 @LoMoMarlins You look a hell of a lot like Steve-o from jackass in parts of that commercial
I could be the next Lenny Dykstra! RT @GuyAdami Logan, big fan. watch CNBC’s Fast Money one night. maybe get u on during the All Star Break!
Yea, i had to be at my brothers weddingRT @willsworldmn @LoMoMarlins have you seen my big redneck wedding?
Gonna b tuff I wear a womens one piece bathing suit RT @MrIncrediBill: Lo, Ever aqua-dumped in a pool? So relaxing. Try it during a workout!
Whoa whoa whoa b4 u go sticking a banana anywhere how is old is this kid RT @dp57: LoMo @_Obryan I did this at work today! Use a banana
Definitely an Outie, well unless its cold. Wait what r u talking about? RT @lisanine9: LoMo We’re all curious if u have an outie or innie?
Was i picking my nose? RT @mariaij18: OMG! U came on TV & the reporter said “Look @ LoMo doing that thing w his fingers” Howd he do that?
Play “Where’s my Icy Hot Patch?” RT @DRokSH @LoMoMarlins Now that Shaq’s retired, you get 24 hours with him. What do you do?
Ive been celebrating all month Ha RT @PatMay1 @LoMoMarlins Did you know May was National Masturbation Month?
Wait…Joakim Noah isnt an anorexic sasquatch?!? RT @R_Delval13 @LoMoMarlins QUICK! whos better looking Joakim Noah or Sasquatch? GO!
I could b wrong but I believe diversity is an old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era RT @Wrestler561 LoMo What is diversity?
Very little, actually. Ive got you all fooled!! RT @cmay13x: @LoMoMarlins what do you know about baseball?
Thanks cinnamon, whos bouncing the kegger tonight? U or dimples?RT @LoMoTiger Hope everything goes well today @LoMoMarlins !
Oh the do, do they? FYI bub I pee on mine bc it feels good RT @Mike624: @LoMoMarlins All ballplayers pee on their hands to soften them
How bout “come on down & test drive one of these sluts”? RT @dbell333: LoMo I’m sure they love you referring to their product as “bitches” >> Just wrapped up commercial shoot @ Toyota of S. Fla. Buy Toyota stock NOW these bitches r goin 2 b flyin off the lot when this hits the air!
Scotch tape it back up & see if you can return it RT @AustinJankowiak opened some 2011 baseball cards. First card I see: Logan Morrison.
A kid trying 2 catch butterflies @ a church picnic RT @PastramiOnWry LoMo if Stanton’s swing is a logger hacking a mighty redwood whats urs?
Warm apple pie RT @DrEisenband: @LoMoMarlins What does 3rd base feel like with a Marlins Mermaid?
Requests
Resume? Ummm Baseball player. Done. What do you think??RT @mtomain: @LoMoMarlins I’ll critique your resume for free for a tweet back
Only if i can deliver it RT @mattgrasso5: @LoMoMarlins If I name my first born child after you, can I get a RT?
The Village people? RT @SFEastBayNAVY LoMo I will b w/ a group of guys from the Navy on field today before the game. Please come say hi.
All jokes aside… I had to poop. Bad RT @RJSonbeek: LoMo you drove right past me today 🙁 I wanted you to sign my ball :/
How bout a lullaby? RT @despinadina: LoMo ‘m pulling an all-nighter studying 4 a final, tell me something funny/motivating 2 keep me awake?
Peter Northstars RT @JakeAxelrod: @LoMoMarlins any ideas for LoMo themed fantasy baseball names #MrOBP
Very late…What r u a 6 yr old girl?? Good luck RT @AlanHardistyII: LoMo its very late but can I get a good luck 4 our ConferenceTourny?
Nope im a white kid!RT @790Justin I sometimes do play-by-play demos from the outfield, want to be my color commentator while on the DL?
Can’t. I have chubby knees… RT @Ldogg14: LoMo you need to wear tighter pants on the field 😉
Dude! Stop, now i know what it feels like to follow meRT @SwingaSinga19 perseverance!!!!!!! I’m your biggest Tampa fan! Love me!
Which 1 is u & which is ur sister? RT @BigHambowski: LoMo pls date my sister shes single & moving to east coast http://plixi.com/p/96323908
Already faced 2 of em. U know the seasons started rite? RT @kmuls430: LoMo u have ne chance against the Phils 4 aces? R u excited 2 face em?
Front or Backseat? RT @BMcAnally19 @LoMoMarlins, I’m a Deputy with the Broward Sheriff’s Office, u interested in doing a ride along?
Oh sure… How abt a backrub & I rotate ur tires 2? RT @HummerX @LoMoMarlins Hey if I go 2 a game this week can you buy me beer afterwards?
Just hugged an old guy in the lobby. Judging by his panic & anger.. Not a Veteran… RT @SpcStevens: LoMo, make sure u hug a Veteran today!
Advice
Just a hunch, it may b ur haircut RT @OchoSpecko: Hey LoMo I’m in an slump man, is it true if I bang a Fat Chick I’ll break out of it?
Yeah, time for a new pic or a gym membership ha RT @ryankeelan: LoMo my shirt is off in my profile pic I think that is worth something
Its not too late to turn back… RT @lessthanjen: hey @LoMoMarlins, I’m getting married in two days. Do you have any sage advice for me?
When my hands are free RT @ochurricane: @LoMoMarlins Logan, when’s the best time to get your autograph at a game?
Red Bull & Ranch RT @DomJulio20 @LoMoMarlins i’m making a drink called “The LoMo” what should be in it?
Chicks dig the Long Ball RT @bluesteel522 @LoMoMarlins you have any tips to help me quit smoking?
IF I had kids I would simply send a Tweet “@LoMosKid: Go the f*ck 2 sleep!” RT @alicia_f52002: LoMo Will u read that book 2 ur kid or kids?
Yeah, dont watch mine right now RT @alwayssunnyincp: LoMo any pointers 4 baseball swing? trying 2 make it to club baseball next school year
