Harper’s Contract: I Will Be 50-Fucking-Years-Old When It Ends


Bryce Harper is eyeing a big post-season run (Rob Carr Getty images)

Well folks, our long, national nightmare is over.

Bryce Harper finally made a big-boy decision and signed a contract. With the Philadelphia Phillies.

For a record-breaking $330 million.

Over 13 years.

I am currently writing this as a 34-year-old.

When Harper’s contract expires, I will be closer to 50 than not.

And that is just insane.

The Phillies better be prepared to be grossly overpaying for Harper on the tailend of his contract.

And, with the way I eat, I will probably be dead by then anyways.

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