The Hot Corner: World Baseball Classic, CC Sabathia, new Pope


Banner for The Hot Corner by Jed Rigney

Contributors: Zach Pennington, Eliza Bayne, Atman Thakrar, Glen Hentz

The hottest topics for the week of March 17, 2013 …

Ryan Braun, fresh off the World Baseball Classic, is lying down in a Dr. office ready to get probed. Humerous composite.
Ryan Braun gets probed by Major League Baseball. More lube Ryan?

USA! USA! The U.S. Team was knocked out of World Baseball Classic making it very easy for American baseball fans to continue not caring about the World Baseball Classic.

Red light special: The Netherlands made the World Baseball Classic semifinals! But they came up short – probably because they ran out of hookers and hashish.

Karma police: San Francisco pitcher Barry Zito got duped out of $3 million in a fitness software scheme. So, now he knows how the Giants feel.

Big time: CC Sabathia finally made his spring debut. I guess they finally shut down the buffet.

Surprisingly gentle: MLB has announced that it will probe players linked to Biogenesis. But in accordance with the most recent CBA, they’ll use rubber gloves and plenty of lubricant.

Hot-blooded: Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay has been ill, but he claims he should make his first start of the season. And after all, he is a “Doc” … see? Because that’s his nickname: “Doc” Halladay. Come on, you have no idea how tired I am right now.

Extra Innings

That’s so Raven: If I ever win a major award, I’m taking a cue from the Baltimore Ravens and selling everything I own to go live in a box under a bridge.

Music man: Rapper Lil Wayne remains in critical status after being hospitalized for multiple strokes. If he dies, he will become the first rapper ever to die from non-drive-by shooting causes.

Crying with the Stars: Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough have reportedly split up. Not surprising. I never thought it was a good match for Seacrest, since Julianne isn’t much of a homosexual man.

Pope springs eternal: I’m glad they finally chose a new Pope. Out with the old, in with the new old.

More Pope: White smoke continues to emerge from the chimneys of the Sistine chapel, indicating to the world that the new Pope loves brunch.

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