Iso-Stars is a series of all-MLB teams composed of fantasy performers that represent each of the standard 5×5 roto categories (even though fantasy connoisseurs and statistical avant garders frown upon such leagues). Each list presents the top projected 2011 contributors at every position in a particular roto stat category, regardless of the players’ performances across other fantasy stat categories. Also, each “All-Stat” team will be coupled with an “All-Something-Ridiculous” team to lighten the mood. You’ll see.
The 2011 All-Runs Team
To the players listed below, crossing the plate is no harder than crossing the street. Whether it’s thanks to their speed, baserunning, or the bats behind them, these guys score more than Ben Roethlisberger at a sorority kegger. “Go home,” is their motto, and they are proud to admit that they have the Runs.
C – Joe Mauer: In seasons where he’s had at least 500 AB, Mauer has averaged 91.5 runs scored. Most catchers just don’t get on base enough or have the at-bats to compete.
1B – Albert Pujols: Guess who? Pujols has led MLB in Runs scored the past two seasons, has averaged 123 R per 162-game-season over his career, and still has a strong enough lineup around him in St Louis to earn him this spot.
3B – Evan Longoria: This is very tough. I have an irrational lack of faith in Longoria, though he’s finished among the top four 3B for runs scored the past two years. With good health and any additions to supporting cast, I’d like Zimmerman. Also, A-Rod can’t be counted out, and Bautista could be for real.
SS – Derek Jeter: Love him or hate him, only twice in the last 15 seasons has Jeter failed to score 100+ runs (and in both of those years he missed time to injury). With the Yankees order as formidable as ever, his consistency bumps him ahead of Han-Ram and Tulo.
OF – Carlos Gonzalez: CarGo has shown enough consistency through his career in the minors to suggest that, even if his HR numbers don’t continue to measure up to his 2010 standards, his R and RBI should. His speed will help him even if the Rockies lineup doesn’t.
OF – Carl Crawford: Perennially one of the top scorers among OF, the speedster now has even more dangerous hitters behind him and a home park that may allow him to drive himself in a bit more often.
and now for something completely different…
The 2011 All-Embarrassing-Injury Team
C – Chris Snyder, Pirates (“fractured testicle” – from baseball. ugh.)
1B – Daric Barton, A’s (laceration on head requiring 6 staples – from diving into the shallow end of a pool)
2B – Kaz Matsui, Free Agent (anal fissure – technically Kaz back in Japan now, but injury is tough to top)
3B – Adrian Beltre, Rangers (testicular tearing / internal bleeding – from a grounder to the groin)
SS – Jason Bartlett, Padres (detached fingernail – ripped off in encounter with hotel room TV)
OF – Andruw Jones, Yankees (wart removal – Jones had a “golf-ball-sized” wart on the back of his knee)
OF – Chris Coughlan, Marlins (torn meniscus – from attacking Wes Helms with a shaving cream pie)
OF – Felix Pie, Orioles (testicular torsion – a story with a “twist”, a redundant but rough region)
DH – Kendry Morales, Angels (broken leg – from jumping on home plate after homer)
SP – Rich Harden, A’s (oblique strain – from turning off his alarm clock…classic Harden)
SP – Mat Latos, Padres (pain in side – from holding back a sneeze)
SP – Carlos Zambrano, Cubs (carpal tunnel – from spending 5+ hours a day on the internet)
RP – Ryan Madson, Phillies (broken toe – from slipping down stairs then kicking a folding chair in rage)
RP – Joel Zumaya, Tigers (strained arm – from playing too much “Guitar Hero”)
Please offer your outraged rebuttals and counter-proposals for members of both teams in the comments below. Also, which of the above injuries would you LEAST like to experience?