McCourt is out — and there was much rejoicing!


Why so glum, chum? You didn't completely ruin the Dodgers. Almost, but not completely. (Reuters)

By now, you’ve probably heard the great news that Frank McCourt has agreed to sell the Los Angeles Dodgers and a new owner could be in place by Opening Day 2012. This brings to an end Frank’s two-year struggle to establish ownership of the team while simultaneously doing everything in his power to destroy the very team he claimed to want to own.

Back in May, I wrote a column called “Bring Me the Head of Frank McCourt,”  and in it, I detailed my distaste for Frank and his wife and their business practices and their disregard for all others and their never-ending stream of bullcrap. I’m probably going to repeat here a lot of what I said back in May. Why? Because of my distaste for Frank and his wife and their business practices and their disregard for all others and their never-ending stream of bullcrap.

We all had been hearing the stories of the shenanigans Frank and Jamie had been up to and when Bud Selig stepped in and announced that he was seizing control of the Los Angeles Dodgers from them, Dodgers fans, as well fans of baseball and decency and morality, knew that this was finally headed toward a resolution – a resolution that would include an amputation of both McCourts.

There are some people who you can tell are horrible people just by looking at them — like Dennis Rodman, Angelina Jolie, Screech from “Saved by the Bell,” two of the Jonas Brothers and most guys with ponytails. And then when these types start talking, any doubts you might have had about their horribleness evaporates and you are certain that before you stands a truly dreadful person.

The Los Angeles Dodgers are considered one of the premier franchises in all of sports — with fans throughout the world and a storied tradition unlike any other team, with a wide variety of triumphs and tragedies. When Frank McCourt was announced as the new owner with his wife Jamie, they went to such great lengths to make it sound like they really cared about the Dodgers and the city of Los Angeles. But it all just seemed so fake – too fake actually, even in a city that is almost entirely built upon a foundation of fakeness.

At that time, Frank also announced that he was going to make his wife the CEO of the team (or some other ridiculously way-too-high position for her). Look, I’ve got nothing against women in sports management — there are probably some women who know a lot about baseball. But I’ve got a quesadilla maker that knows more about baseball than Jamie McCourt.

Frank and Jamie split up about two years ago, and they spent a lot of time bickering through the media and in the courts about which of them was worse. He claimed he owned the team. She claimed they co-owned the team. And it was costing them a fortune in legal fees. Fortunately for them, they had been bleeding massive amounts of money out of the Dodgers over the last seven years, so they could afford to continue the battle of dimwits.

Selig made the almost-unprecedented move to oversee the Dodgers after hearing that McCourt had secretly set up a loan of $30 million from FOX Sports to cover team expenses. And Frank was able to further embarrass himself and the Dodgers franchise when he got cash advances from sponsors to cover payroll. So, Bud drew a line in the sand and like Gandalf in “Lord of the Rings” he proclaimed, “You shall not pass!”

And Bud was going to fight for the sanctity of baseball and the Dodgers and apple pie and three-day weekends and take down this evil dictator who was ruining one of the sports greatest franchises. Bud Selig was our knight in shining armor …

Not so fast – there’s blood on your hands here, too, Bud. You picked this guy and his wife to own the team. Bad move, Bud. There were other options and you chose these two clowns. You invited this guy to the party, and he threw up in the punch bowl and dropped a deuce in the pool.

Frank would not go quietly and he tried everything he could to stay on as owner of the team. He broke the team up into tiny pieces, tried to steal the team from his wife, had the team file for bankruptcy, threatened to attack Major League Baseball’s anti-trust exemption. He wanted to make sure that every single breathing human being on this planet and any others nearby would hate him with every fiber of their being.

And it worked. No, not keeping the team – everybody hates Frank. There’s an unemployed accountant in South Dakota that hates him. There’s a retired woman in Rhode Island with glaucoma that hates him. There’s a Guatemalan fishermen with arthritic knees that hates him. Everybody.

Now Frank has reached a settlement with Major League Baseball to sell the team. And he’ll make way too much money from the sale – since any amount over $4 is way too much. But I’m happy knowing that no matter how much money he has, he’ll always have to be Frank McCourt – and that would suck.

Goodbye, Frank. The world is a worse place because you were here. And please take general manager Ned Colletti with you. I don’t want to hear any of that “I was just following orders” stuff, Ned. The free agent contracts you’ve been giving out and the trades you’ve been making are fire-able offenses in themselves. Sorry, pal, everyone goes. Time to clean house.

Come on, Bud. Now that the hard work is over and you’ve gotten rid of the mistake you made, it’s time to do the right thing and make sure that Dodgers fans and the citizens of Los Angeles get a real owner.

Today we are all Dodgers fans. Go Blue!


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