Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Stephen Arenholtz, Atman Thakrar, Glen Hentz
The hottest topics for the week of January 6, 2013 …
Drugs are bad: Many baseball writers are troubled by suspected performance-enhancing drug users Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa and Roger Clemens being on their Hall of Fame ballot. So, they’ll drink coffee and smoke cigarettes to help get through it.
Trade winds: Rumors continue to swirl about possible trades involving disgruntled Marlins outfielder Giancarlo Stanton. The unnamed source of the rumors has been hiding his identity by using the alias Stiancarlo Ganton.
If you build it … The Field of Dreams baseball field will be converted into a baseball mega-complex. So, the magic can continue for fans of all ages … and for Ray Liotta who was last seen living in the cornfields.
Misnomer: The Giants’ Sergio Romo got in a dispute with the TSA in Las Vegas on New Year’s Day. He was overheard saying, “For crying out loud, I am not related to Tony Romo!”
Big fan: A Wichita man’s collection of 500 Ken Griffey, Jr. baseball cards were stolen from his house, but fortunately his collection of Griffey’s game-worn jockstraps were spared.
Handicapable: After signing with Texas, Lance Berkman has pledged to put up big offensive numbers to win over the Rangers fanbase … within the 30 games he’ll be healthy enough to play.
Repeat offender: Andruw Jones’ wife has filed for divorce after a physical altercation between the two. Another contract with Andruw Jones that someone desperately wants out of.
Bringing up the rear: Recently signed Detroit Tigers outfielder Torii Hunter said that having a gay teammate would be “uncomfortable” … Just the first time, Torii.
B’more cautious: Orioles’ manager Buck Showalter is working on getting an extension in Baltimore. Careful you don’t get crabs.
Calling it quits: The Ravens’ Ray Lewis will retire from the NFL after this season, the Baltimore Police Department has announced.
The eagle has landed: Andy Reid has signed to become the next coach of the Kansas City Chiefs. The team is already 0-3 for next season.
Knee jerk: During the NFC playoff game between the Seahawks and Redskins it was confirmed that RGIII is not Gumby.
Honeymoon’s over: The Houston Rockets suspended first-round pick Royce White for “refusing to provide services” … So, wait, they’re married?
What a dope: Lance Armstrong may finally admit to using performance-enhancing drugs. Just when he thought he was done eating Crow.
In theaters now: Alternate titles for the film Gangster Squad: Group o’ Bad Guys, Crime Time, Mafia Buds II, Pretty Li’l Mobsters, Honey I Shrunk the Mob.
On the boob tube: The new Kathy Griffin show looks like a real butterhost.
I am number two: Weatherman Al Roker admitted on Dateline that he pooped his pants at the White House following his gastric bypass surgery and is now banned from eating Indian food.
Splitsville: Despite their well-choreographed, highly publicized New Year’s kiss, Taylor Swift and One Direction’s Harry Styles have broken up because Taylor had enough material for her next album.
More Swift: Song titles on Taylor’s next album: Out of Styles, Harry Situation, Wrong Direction, Please Harry Don’t Hurt ’Em, Who’s Next?
Puff the magic dragon: Photos have emerged showing Justin Bieber smoking a joint. No word yet whether there’s going to be any further collaborations with Snoop Dogg.
Messi situation: Soccer star Lionel Messi has won the game’s highest honor with his fourth-straight Ballon d’Or – which is French for “tampon balloon.”