Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Atman Thakrar, Glen Hentz
The hottest topics for the week of October 28, 2012 …
Special Report: Hurricane Sandy
Thousands evacuate as Hurricane Sandy makes landfall. Experts have said the hurricane is the worst thing to happen to the Jersey shore since The Jersey Shore.
Sandy? If John Travolta was in New York right now he’d say, “Why-yi-yi-yi?!”
I bet Hurricane Sandy is all like, “It’s Sandra!”
Hurricane Sandy is expected to do $5.3 billion in improvements to the state of New Jersey.
World Series Quick Hits:
World Series? More like Worst Series! Am I right?!
The heavyset Cabrera struck out looking at an 89 mph fastball that he normally would have crushed – but Sergio Romo cleverly wrapped it in bacon.
Giant’s third baseman Pablo Sandoval got the series started by hitting three home runs in game one. Someone might want to check his hotel room and see if Lance Armstrong set up shop in there.
Taco Bell announced they were giving away free tacos when there was a World Series stolen base. This explains where the Tigers offense went.
Hey! Only 115 days until spring training!
Free at last: Now that the World Series is over, fans get to focus on which free agent players they hope their teams will sign this year – and whom they will most assuredly complain about next year.
End of days: NBA Commissioner David Stern has announced that he will retire in 2014. I guess he figures by then he’ll have collected his quota of souls and must return to Satan.
Swift resolution: Taylor Swift released her new album this week and then announced she had broken up with her boyfriend. Don’t worry, Taylor. There are plenty of other publicity stunts in the sea.
More Swift: Taylor then released a new single “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together … Okay Maybe We Are Cuz I Just Broke Up With The Guy I Dated After You.”
Politically incorrect: Madonna was booed in New Orleans after telling the crowd to vote Obama. Yeah, sure, Madonna, it was definitely NOT about your music.
Wishful thinking: So it turns out that the Justin Bieber cancer scare was just a hoax – a fraud perpetrated on millions of unsuspecting teens who just don’t know any better – like his music.
Cruise control: One of Tom Cruise’s neighbors was tased when he trespassed at his Beverly Hills home. He thought he had All the Right Moves after a Cocktail or two and was up to some Risky Business but he was Far and Away mistaken. His security team has A Few Good Men and they were Firm so he ended up with his Eyes Wide Shut.