Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Atman Thakrar
The hottest topics for the week of February 17, 2013 …
Deck the Hall: Roger Clemens says when it comes to the Hall of Fame voting, he won’t lose any sleep – because he already takes something to enhance his sleeping performance.
A tale of two cities: When asked about his former team, Josh Hamilton said Dallas is “not a true baseball town.” Harsh words from someone whose new team in Anaheim ranks behind Disneyland, the Mighty Ducks and “going outside.”
Miami advice: Jose Reyes says Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria told him to buy a home in Miami days before he was traded. The only real surprise here is that Loria didn’t try to sell him a home.
Having a fit: Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval has reported to spring training out of shape – which also happens to be his peak physical condition.
Crunchback mountain: CC Sabathia says that he’s quit Cap’n Crunch – so much for the Navy’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
DHL did it: Ryan Braun has been implicated in another document from the doping clinic in Miami. This better end soon, he’s running out of domestic shipping companies to blame.
Best sellers: So far, the New York Mets have signed exactly zero free agents for 2013, including none of their own. It’s all covered in the Mets new book, “No Money Ball.”
Fatal extraction: Former Yankees pitcher Carl Pavano says the snow shoveling accident that led to him having his spleen removed was nearly fatal – but still less dangerous than pitching in the Bronx.
True colors: Red Sox president Larry Lucchino predicts that the home sellout streak might end this season. However, Lucchino’s status as a sell-out will never end.
Life is hard: Twins pitcher Anthony Swarzak cracked two ribs while wrestling with teammates at the team’s annual fan festival. I broke a pinky and pulled my carpal tunnel just trying to spell his last name.
Payin’ the cost: Melky Cabrera says he made a mistake and paid the price for it. Which is an odd way to refer to a $16 million contract and a World Series ring.
Two of a kind: President Obama, who is on vacation, played golf with Tiger Woods this weekend – a fitting match since neither has really done anything the last few years.
Gender race: Danica Patrick is the first female driver to win the pole position at the Daytona 500. Though she’s certainly not the first female to start on the pole in Daytona Beach.
Out and about: Gay rights groups say U.S. sport is reaching a “tipping point” in accepting homosexual players – but they probably mean “just the tip.”
Bizarre love triangle: Rihanna was attacked in London by a fan angry about her reunion with Chris Brown. Now she can’t decide who of the two she loves more.
Babylicious: Singer Fergie announced she is pregnant – the unborn baby is already the third most-popular member of the Black Eyed Peas.
Meteor shower: Last week, a meteor the size of a small office building hit Russia – so they named it “Chris Brown.”
More meteor: Frankly, I’m surprised to hear about any showers happening in Russia.
Even meteor’er: The NRA announced that everyone in the U.S. should be armed with assault rifles to fight future meteor attacks.