The hottest topics for the week of July 15, 2012 …
Thanks, Bud: The National League whomped the American League in the All-Star Game; so, whatever 83-win NL team that survives the playoffs will get home field advantage against the 100-win Rangers or Yankees.
Blame game: Bobby Valentine says that Kevin Youkilis was responsible for the clubhouse tension. Bobby’s new to Boston and he doesn’t realize that the local media handles the character assassination pieces for him.
Serial criminals: A friend of the A’s Coco Crisp was found guilty of fraud and identity theft – probably that Lucky Charms weirdo.
Dream a little dream: The City of Sacramento said it will explore getting a Major League Baseball team. Unfortunately, that future team is already out of the division race, struggling with attendance and looking to relocate.
Atlanta brains: Zombie Ben Sheets rose from the grave and devoured the Mets for his first win in over two years.
Strange brew: Due to a scheduling fluke, Milwaukee’s Zack Greinke started three games in a row for his team – the first time this has happened in a hundred years. On a completely unrelated note, Greinke will miss his next start because of “fatigue” and “soreness.”
The Doc is in: The last-place Phillies’ pitcher Roy Halladay is set to return from injury this week. Yes, Roy, get in your little boat and row on out to the Titanic.
Seeing red: Cincinnati’s Joey Votto needs surgery and will be out for a month. He hurt his knee sliding into third base, but the real damage was done when I traded for him in my fantasy baseball league because everyone on this team is injured and it is driving me crazy.
Saints misbehavin’: Drew Brees signed a $100 million deal with the Saints. Now maybe he can set aside a few bucks to get that birthmark removed from his face.
More like Knicker-bonkers: It’s almost like Isaiah Thomas never left the New York Knicks. They signed veteran Jason Kidd to a three-year deal – who then celebrated by getting arrested for drunk driving … Then the Knicks decided to let fan-favorite Jeremy Lin go to Houston and replaced him with the older and heavier Raymond Felton – because I guess they didn’t have my phone number.
More Linsanity: Since Jeremy Lin won’t have Jason Kidd as a mentor, he’ll have to develop his own regimen of dribbling exercises, passing drills and, of course, heavy drinking.
The ESPYs: Finally we found a way to recognize the best athletic performances by players, teams and coaches. I mean besides the awards, championships, sponsorships, adulation and giant piles of money they already get.
More, the ESPYs: Congratulations to Brittney Griner for being the youngest man ever to win the ESPY for Best Female Athlete!
Hip-hopracy: Pop star, recovering drug addict and X Factor judge Demi Lovato booted a rap duo from the show for using a rhyme about drugs – and not offering her any.
Judge not: American Idol judges Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are not returning for the upcoming season. No word yet on what’s next for either of these two ladies.
Quitting time: Charlie Sheen has decided to quit Twitter. Just like that. Cold turkey. In other words, he’ll be back in a week or so.
Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Stephen Arenholtz, Glen Hentz