The Hot Corner: Mariano Rivera, Prince Fielder, WNBA


The hottest topics for the week of September 18, 2011 …

Dusty Baker
... And I want to thank the Reds and the fans for giving me a chance to bring another third place finish to the great city of Cincinnati ...

Man up: The Minnesota Twins have announced that Joe Mauer’s season is over due to pneumonia. I sure hope he doesn’t have AIDS.

Mo saves: I am prepared to extend congratulations to Mariano Rivera getting his record-setting 602nd save just as soon as the DNA tests come back confirming he is not a cyborg.

Tiger treats: The Detroit Tigers clinched their division title this week. Every fan in attendance was granted permission to leave Detroit.

Red sux: Boston pitcher John Lackey got hammered again – this time by the lowly Orioles. If he was a pet, I think we’d all agree it’s time to have him put down.

Moving on: Prince Fielder told a reporter this week that this is likely his last season with the Brewers. He hopes his next team will have a competitive roster, an enthusiastic fanbase and an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Blending in: Toronto’s Brett Cecil missed a game after cutting his finger on a blender. Fortunately the margaritas were unharmed.

Knuckle sandwich: Tim Wakefield won his 200th game and men’s league softball pitchers everywhere wonder if they had moderately applied themselves could they have had a similar career.

Mismanagement: The Reds owner has announced that in 2012 they are bringing back Dusty Baker to manage the team – officially locking up a third place finish for next year.

If I was a carpenter: The Cardinals signed pitcher Chris Carpenter to a two-year extension worth $21 million. When asked about why he took a pay decrease, Chris said, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be injured for most of that time anyway.”

Extra Innings

Ladies night: The WNBA playoffs are in full swing. I guess it’s that time of the month.

AKA: Ron Artest has changed his name to Metta World Peace. He had to settle for this because his first choice “Gary Busey” was already taken.

All wet: The College Football Hall of Fame had $100,000 in flood damage after a fire sprinkler malfunction. In other news, a Miami Hurricane player is under investigation for trying to sell an autographed sprinkler head to a booster.

On the air: The Situation and Snooki get most of the publicity, but my favorite cast member of The Jersey Shore is alcohol.

In theatres now: If you don’t go out and see “Straw Dogs” then you are just like everyone else.

Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Ben Fiandaca, Stephen Arenholz, Zach Pennington, Sepp Thor, and Justin Workman

comments

2 Comments

Your email address will not be published.

  1. What’s also funny is that Dusty Baker is one of the worst managers in the league. Few others do less with more than he does.

  2. Reds have finished 5th, 4th, 1st, and yes, now 3rd, since hiring Dusty Baker. Standings have this funny way of shifting year to year.

DON'T MISS