The hottest topics for the week of July 8, 2012 …
Start me up! Tony LaRussa chose Matt Cain to start the All-Star game over the statistically superior R.A. Dickey – proving that LaRussa are a dickey.
Heavy hitter: Prince Fielder won the Home Run Derby by crushing 28 bombs. He credited the victory to his focus, his dedication and his not having to run around the bases.
Supermodel, superfan: Kate Upton went to a Detroit Tigers game and tweeted about it. No joke here, just want an excuse to run a picture of her. You’re welcome.
Damn Yankees! According to Reggie Jackson, Alex Rodriguez’s stats are tainted because of his admitted PED use … Says the guy who tried to assassinate the Queen of England!
More Jackson: A-Rod responded by joking with reporters, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” … Says the guy who admitted to cheating at baseball by using PEDs!
Trial of the century: Roger Clemens tried to request mistrial legal fees, but was denied. So, I guess the steroids didn’t shrink his balls completely.
Macho man: The Astros’ Carlos Lee accepted a trade to the struggling Marlins, after blocking a trade to the first-place Dodgers. When asked to explain, he shrugged his shoulders, adjusted his skirt and scampered away.
Manly men: Perennial malcontent Red Sox pitcher Vicente Padilla said that Yankee Mark Teixeira would be “better off playing women’s sports.” To which Mark responded, “Whatever, loser. I’m going to have a chai tea latte with Carlos Lee.”
Score one for us: In the Futures Game featuring baseball’s top prospects, the U.S. team completely out-performed the World team. So, it’s basically the opposite of everything else happening on the planet.
Once more, with feeling: The aged Jamie Moyer was cut by yet another team – the Blue Jays. And fortunately for Moyer he has completely exhausted all of my old-people jokes.
Umpire strikes back: Milwaukee Brewers’ pitcher Zack Greinke was ejected from a game by the first base umpire for spiking the ball after a close play. The home plate umpire called it a strike.
Extra Innings
Resistance is futile: Viking’s running back Adrian Peterson was arrested for resisting arrest … Then things got crazy and he resisted being arrested for resisting arrest.
40-year-old version: Chad Ochocinco says he wants to play pro football until he’s 40 … More like Quatrocinco! (Note: I don’t speak Spanish)
Age before beauty: The not-so-young-anymore Steve Nash got traded to the Los Angeles Lakers. The good news for the Lakers is their backcourt now has two former MVPs; the bad news is that their combined age is 121.
Wimbledon’t: This year’s grass court men’s final was Federer/Murray – which sounds like someone almost remembering the name of the lead singer of Queen.
The real story: Who cares if Kourtney Kardashian gave birth? What really matters is has she lost the baby weight yet?!?
Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington
