This week in Jose Canseco tweets: “See you in hell”

Jose Canseco just won't go away; he's now playing for the Worcester Tornadoes. (William Perlman/The Star-Ledger)

I hate giving Jose Canseco attention. Last week, in a used bookstore I refused to pick up a copy of “Juiced,” a book that pop culture says needs to be read if you are a baseball fan. Even though it was $1.50 and he would reap no royalties, I would hate the possibility of being on a “Day with Jose” excursion and having to answer “yes” to the question of “Hey bro, you gotta copy of my book?”

Having said that, I do follow him on Twitter because of the sheer ridiculousness of his posts, and the off-hand chance he links to a video of one of his at-bats for the Worcester Tornadoes. In the background, you can hear some of the most ingenious scathing directed toward Jose from world-class hecklers who travel for miles just to come to Jose’s games. It’s great.

In case you haven’t been following Jose closely, he recently inked a two-year deal with the Worcester Tornadoes of the Canadian-American Association of Professional Baseball League, an independent baseball team. At first, I thought it was a gimmick, but the owner of the Tornadoes came out with “Clearly this is not a gimmick. Jose is here to play baseball”– my intuitions blown apart as quickly as they were formed.

Whatever they are paying Jose, it clearly isn’t much. He has stooped to a new low, charging “fans” $1.50 per month to be able to “vid-chat” Jose during specified hours of the day during which he is not devoting to training/doping/conniving. When his paypal account didn’t immediately jump to $10,000 on day one of his video chat premier, he tweeted…

Alienating your fans during a time of economic hardship? Nice, brother. He claims he offers great advice and provides a forum for people to talk smack to his face as opposed to behind his back, which honestly might be worth $1.50. If anyone has some rants they’d like to throw at him, post in the comment section and I’ll pony up the $1.50.

If he seems a little angry, it’s nothing unusual. Roid-rage jokes aside, his tweets inherently contain a sense of general scariness …

A few zombie attacks doesn’t necessitate making generalizations about human nature. Maybe Jose was referring to something I’m not privy to, something in the celebrity underground that only super studs witness. That’s gotta be it.

In case you never plan on going to a Worcester Tornadoes game, or coughing up the $1.50 to see Jose in the digital flesh, he does eventually expect to meet all of you…

Since he now lives in Massachusetts, in close proximity to Salem, he has taken up learning sorcery to add to his list of skills and attributes …

On his next trip up there, he should pick up a cauldron and the ingredients list for the “ability to hit” potion, because he currently sports a triple slash of .171/.346/.195 against the Independent League’s finest through his first 41 at-bats.

Related Articles

Back to top button