Warning: Read this Dodgers article with extreme caution

We don't need no stinking pitching! Bring us the bat of Josh Willingham! (Brace Hemmelgarn/US Presswire)

Warning: The following content may not be suitable for children, nice people or anyone who has lived a sheltered life and doesn’t appreciate anger-induced tirades.

I’m mad! No, I take that back; I’m so freakin’ angry that I want to punch a little kitten! After working all day and heeding the call of the five o’clock whistle, I walked in the door of my house and, much to my surprise, discovered that my Los Angeles Dodgers were on MLB Network Wednesday afternoon!

I sprawled out on the couch in the bottom of the eighth inning of a pitcher’s duel between Clayton Kershaw and Cliff Lee. After watching Kenley Jansen almost blow the game for the Dodgers by walking two men in the top of the ninth, my blood pressure went through the roof in the bottom of the ninth.

The home half of the ninth inning taught me the following: The Dodgers can’t hit their way out of a wet paper sack with a sharp bat! Really Tony Gwynn? In a tie game in the bottom of the ninth, you stand there with your bat in your asterisk and watch a third strike go by right down the middle?

Really Matt Kemp? With a runner on base and your bat there to possibly provide the winning stroke, you don’t swing at a curveball right at the knees in the middle of the plate? Then you argue about the call as if you got rooked?

Really, James Loney? You swing at a pitch in the dirt with the bases loaded when a walk gives us a much-needed win?

#$%%#!#@#%%#@! I am so %#@%!@%@#%@ mad at the pitiful display of hitting that the Dodgers have given us the past month that I’m ready to do something drastic. I’m ready to swear off watching the Dodgers and reading the team’s box scores until they make a trade for a legitimate bat.

Sure, I know the Dodgers did come back and win the game against the Phillies 5-3 in 12 innings, but that shouldn’t overshadow the fact the team needs hitting help.

I am sick of hearing that the Dodgers are the leaders in the Ryan Dempster trade deadline sweepstakes. I am fed up with the rumors that the Dodgers are the desired destination of Philadelphia lefty Cole Hamels.

If I hear another Matt Garza pitching rumor connected with the Dodgers, I’m going to end my misery and become a Chicago Cubs fan; at least the Cubs just stink all season and don’t prematurely inflate their fans’ hopes.

Read this and weep with me during this 17-24 performance since June 1 by the Dodgers (a.k.a, “the team formerly known as a playoff contender”): The Dodgers need a bat more than they need pitching.

In the Dodgers’ 14 losses since June 22, they have only scored more than three runs once – once! We all know that the San Francisco Giants (yes, I know I used to refer to them as the “Midgets,” but now that they’re in first place, I can’t do that) have overtaken the Dodgers in the National League West.

We also all know that the Dodgers have suffered injuries to starting pitchers Ted Lilly and Chad Billingsley. Youngsters Nate Eovaldi and Stephen Fife have pitched well enough to win for the Dodgers, though.

Eovaldi is 1-6 on the season, but he has really only had two bad games. If the Dodgers could score any runs for him, he could just as easily have a 5-2 record. Take away the two poor performances by Eovaldi and he has a 3.43 ERA on the season.

Fife, who was called up this week to fill in for the injured Billingsley, pitched six innings against the Phillies and only allowed one run. Unfortunately for Fife, the Dodgers could only mount seven hits in a 3-2 loss.

Unless the Dodgers make a trade for a bat like Carlos Quentin or Josh Willingham, this could be a long three months or so. Los Angeles can’t keep throwing out a lineup with bats like Loney (.247 average and two homers), Adam Kennedy (.241 and one homer) and Gwynn (.239 and no homers).

My heart can’t take too many more of these 12-inning games where we should have taken care of business long before the final inning.

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