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The Hot Corner: Cliff Lee, The Olympics, Kristen Stewart - Through The Fence Baseball

The Hot Corner: Cliff Lee, The Olympics, Kristen Stewart

by Jed Rigney | Posted on Tuesday, July 31st, 2012
| 706 baseball fanatics read this article

The hottest topics for the week of July 29, 2012 …

Whatever you need, man, I’m here for you!

Rumor has it: Reports say the Phillies will trade Cliff Lee and the remaining $100 million on his contract. Teams that miss out on getting Lee should consider other alternatives like financing another Spider-Man reboot or just setting a pile of money on fire.

Miami blues: The Marlins traded the super-gifted and underperforming Hanley Ramirez to the Dodgers. It’s a very smart trade since Hanley’s squandered talents will fit in perfectly in Los Angeles.

Ranger danger: Texas’ Josh Hamilton has been struggling at the plate, and at a recent home game, the crowed showered him with boos. Sorry, Josh – “boos,” not “booze.”

Hand jive: Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez has a broken hand after being hit by a pitch. Now how the hell is he supposed to caress himself!?!

More ARod: Answer – Jeter.

For a few dollars more: The Phillies signed pitcher Cole Hamels to a $144 million deal in the hopes that he can play every position simultaneously.

More Hamels: The Yankees announced they looked forward to taking over that contract in two years.

Forgive me father: The Padres signed closer Huston Street to a $14 million extension. So, for the next two years, an oft-injured relief pitcher will account for one-eighth of the team’s entire payroll. Next up is a diamond-encrusted bidet in the clubhouse bathroom.

Better red than dead: The Cincinnati Reds won their 10th straight game in a last-minute effort to boost fan morale before the impending Bengals season.

Houston, we have a problem: The Astros’ losing streak ended at 12 games. Manager Brad Mills assured fans, “This win is just a minor setback. We’ll get back to giving fans the losses they expect from us.”

Extra Innings

The Olympic Games: NBC’s coverage of the Opening Ceremony skipped a tribute to fallen soldiers, because it “wasn’t American.” Discerning viewers are skipping NBC’s Olympic coverage, because it “isn’t watchable.”

More Olympics: Two athletes have been thrown off their Olympic squads for offensive tweets; and a reporter had an account banned for criticizing NBC’s coverage. Who would have thought Big Brother would turn out to be a small blue bird?

More Olympics: The women’s gymnastics judges are giving out 9s and 10s, but really none of these girls are more than a 7.

More Olympics: U.S. teen Missy Franklin won the 100 meter backstroke – a wonderful Olympic moment and also NBC’s most elaborate episode yet of “To Catch a Predator.”

Judge not, lest ye be judged: After a Jets practice this weekend, Tim Tebow was seen running shirtless in the rain – though at first his teammates just thought they were watching a matinee showing of Magic Mike.

A current affair: How the heck did Robert Pattinson figure out that Kristen Stewart was cheating on him? Guess her face must’ve given it away.

Spanish for metal? Metallica is touring in Mexico – because everyone down there is used to diarrhea.

Every rose has its thorn: Rock icon Bret Michaels and his girlfriend called off their engagement. It’s time for all you ladies to update your tetanus shots.

Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Stephen Arenholtz, Glen Hentz

Post By Jed Rigney (202 Posts)

Jed Rigney covers general baseball randomness for Through The Fence Baseball. His work has been described as "prolific" (which isn't really a compliment). Despite a series of destructive relationships with uncaring women, he has persevered. He is an Aries and therefore quite courageous. He has never been arrested (though he was once "detained" briefly). And he hopes to one day see Gary Busey actually turn a tornado into a rainbow -- if only just once.

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