The Hot Corner: Yu Darvish, Ryan Braun, Kim Jong-Il - Through The Fence Baseball

The Hot Corner: Yu Darvish, Ryan Braun, Kim Jong-Il

by Jed Rigney | Posted on Tuesday, December 20th, 2011
| 1431 baseball fanatics read this article


The hottest topics for the week of December 18, 2011 …

Here's looking at Yu, kid.

Darvish, Texas Ranger: The Texas Rangers were announced as the high bidders in the Yu Darvish sweepstakes. I think he’s going to get along great with the one other Asian guy in Texas.

PED or STD: Rumors are swirling that Ryan Braun’s positive tests for PEDs may be the result of medication he’s taking for herpes – so now we all know how he really got the nickname “the Hebrew Hammer.”

Yankee panky: Derek Jeter’s been accused of sending the same post-hookup gift basket, featuring an autographed ball, to the same girl for the second time. She shouldn’t feel too bad, that’s four less than A-Rod has received.

Okay corral: The Milwaukee Brewers won the rights to sign Japanese star Norichika Aoki. The bidding price was much lower than for Yu Darvish; and while Darvish is a superstar in Japan, Norichika is just Aoki. (I know, it’s a reach, you try doing this stuff every week.)

Hard time: Barry Bonds does not have to go to jail for obstruction of justice. But he did get 30 days of house arrest at his two acre Beverly Hills home … This is eerily similar to the scene in “Shawshank Redemption” where not at all.

Beer me: The Milwaukee Brewers have signed heavyset third baseman Aramis Ramirez to a three-year deal – as they continue to make their team look like actual brewers.

Off the Mauerket: Joe Mauer got engaged to his long-time girlfriend. There’s not really a good joke here, but one of the contributors came up with “Off the Mauerket” and I think it’s one of the best and worst intros I’ve ever seen.

I do not think it means what you think it means: Former Cardinals’ skipper Tony LaRussa says that Albert Pujols is “in pain” over his decision to go to the Angels. The pain is mostly in his back – do you have any idea how heavy an extra $50 million is?

Extra Innings

Tebow t-boned: The Denver Broncos and Tim Tebow actually lost a game this weekend to the Patriots, which I guess would make Tom Brady the antichrist.

Drugs are bad: Chicago wide receiver Sam Hurd got arrested for trying to set up a drug distribution ring. Unfortunately for the struggling Bears, the drugs were not performance enhancing.

Korea opportunity: North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il died this past weekend, which shouldn’t come as a surprise – he’s been Il his whole life.

On the boob tube: People are going to get really sick of this new Chelsea Handler show once they realize each episode has Chelsea Handler in it.

Playboy, oh boy: Lindsay Lohan’s nude spread finally made its official appearance on newsstands. The photos are tastefully done … and they did a great job airbrushing out her ankle monitor.

Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Glen Hentz, Stephen Arenholtz

Post By Jed Rigney (202 Posts)

Jed Rigney covers general baseball randomness for Through The Fence Baseball. His work has been described as "prolific" (which isn't really a compliment). Despite a series of destructive relationships with uncaring women, he has persevered. He is an Aries and therefore quite courageous. He has never been arrested (though he was once "detained" briefly). And he hopes to one day see Gary Busey actually turn a tornado into a rainbow -- if only just once.

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