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The hottest topics for the week of February 13, 2012 …
Cuban missle: Yoenis Cespedes signed with the Athletics. The team’s expectations are high and there will be a lot of pressure, but at least the cultural adjustment will be easier going from a poverty-stricken hellhole like Cuba … to Oakland.
More Cespedes: Many people thought he was going to sign with the Marlins, but he changed his mind when he saw the team’s new uniforms, explaining, “No thanks. I’m not a switch hitter.”
Tank job: Orioles gave away Jeremy Guthrie for a couple relievers in a questionable trade and then signed injury prone Nick Johnson. Hey, guys, maybe next time try to be a little more subtle about giving up on the season.
Asia minor: The Baltimore Orioles have been banned from South Korea for signing a 17-year-old. Perverts.
Smell this: The Yankees are releasing new fragrances called “New York Yankees” and “New York Yankees for Her.” No joke required.
The list is Law: ESPN’s Keith Law put out his highly regarded annual Top 100 prospects list this week. I’m starting to think I might never get on this list.
Lin-sulting: New York and NBA fans are going nuts for Knicks guard Jeremy Lin. Ease up, folks, it’s more than a little racist that you’re this excited that an Asian guy can play basketball.
Hi and goodbye: Chauncey Billups is out for the season with a torn Achilles tendon. You are now aware Chauncey Billups was still in the NBA.
One more time: Tiger Woods started off great at Pebble Beach and then Phil Mickelson came on strong at the end and won. This isn’t the first time he’s crashed and someone with a golf club has beaten him.
A puncher’s chance: On Sunday night, Chris Brown performed and won a Grammy Award for Best R&B Album. R&B = Rampaging & Battering.
Grammy awards: Bon Iver won Best New Artist, so I see no reason why we can’t give Eli Manning the Rookie of the Year award.
Reunited: Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are rumored to be back together. This is exciting news for her fans, friends, family and the Center for Disease Control.
We have a problem: Whitney Houston passed away this weekend. According to reports, drugs were involved, which, I guess, were her second-greatest love of all.
Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Glen Hentz