Hit The Deck! Baseball’s tweeps buzzing about goldfish, a robotarm, Canseco’s marriage proposal and no cookies after a drug test

In addition to our tweeps usual rantings, ravings and humor, we have stories about a fish, an inside look at Tommy John surgery and Jose’s love life.

A Goldfish Named Squints:

A ballplayer never knows what he may find in his hotel room. Sometimes, you may even need a lawyer or teammates who can help with a quick getaway.

2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: @RickyRo24 @jparencibia9 what did you name your goldfish? #beastmodefish http://t.co/iCcwRjq

Let's name him!


jparencibia9 jp arencibia: you know you are a stud when ur room comes with a gold fish! #verypro

2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: Done! “@BlueJayHip: @2Morrow23 @RickyRo24 @jparencibia9 Name it Squints! #CecIl@CEC0208

CEC0208 Brett Cecil: wow…I’d put a lid on that bowl just in case he feels like jumping out…like those crazy fish on the news!

2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: RIP Squints 🙁 The lifespan of a goldfish must be about 3 hours @RickyRo24 @jparencibia9 @CEC0208

RIP Squints

jparencibia9 jp arencibia: did u know ur not suppose to take it out and pet it?? #RIPsquints

2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: I just loved it too much, it was like a scene from of mice and men, I didn’t know my own strength! http://t.co/2rR8SUI

jparencibia9 jp arencibia: maybe his heart stopped and will come back to life later? #hangover2


The Robotarm:

Chris Hayes, a RHP for the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs of the Atlantic League, recently had Tommy John surgery. Chris and his wife shared the experience with us, including a very graphic surgery photo.

discohayes Chris Hayes: Do they sell multiple-ply moist wipes? The ole trusty right hand is gonna be out of commission pretty soon here. #preparation

>Ready to go http://t.co/y1L7xXG

Mrs. DiscoHayes: > Mrs.Disco here taking over until Chris is able to tweet left handed. If tweeting is 1/2 as successful as wiping, he’ll be back in no time.

> Attempting to eat lunch… and keep it down… while I watch Chris’s elbow repair.

> My honey’s perfect elbow. Warning it’s a graphic photo. http://t.co/iZwgsd7 (DEAN’S NOTE: She’s not lying.)

Mrs. DiscoHayes + RobotArm

>: @michael_schlact here’s the #RoboArm he’s getting after Tommy Juan. Our nephews are so excited http://t.co/a94LcIA

Hello, Mr. Roboto

And he did miraculously well at his 1st day of PT- 158 degrees of elbow extension! Says he’s 0 on a 0-10 pain scale http://t.co/2A67hvo

As promised, @discohayes#robotarm http://t.co/ethY60r

» Disco is doing unbelievably awesome today. Currently snoozing. Here are a few pics from today- 1st, the elbow stitches: http://t.co/yyQVjGM

» 1st attempt at man-bathing my #robotarm husband = #fail

The Danger of Great Drugs

» End result: broken toilet seat, shower curtain collapse mid rinse, entire bathroom unintentionally hosed dwn, leg wound got wet, as did I.

» here’s my nominee for the #SchlactTwitPoll. U think the mani/pedi will wake him up? #robotarm @michael_schlact @Palo50http://t.co/VfUjKI8


The Drug Test:

While one minor league tweep is on painkillers getting “made-up” by his sneaky wife, another tweep got tested….

TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst

>> During Last night’s post game blood test (yes, they do that now) I asked the administers if their needles were certified “green”? (1/2)

>> Confused, they said no. Me: “Shame… I care about the environment, I always reuse, recycle, and repurpose my needles.” They backed away…

>> Never mind being tired and dehydrated when giving blood post game… there were no free cookies. Now that’s just wrong, MLB, just wrong.

>> .@RyNReid Yes fellow teammate, twitter noob, and competitive dance partner Ryan Reid, that post game drug test WAS a pain…


I’ll let this speak for itself. Schlact pretty much sums it up.

JoseCanseco Jose Canseco: I made a total fool of my self for someone who never even cared about me .what an idiot I am

>> Love makes fools out of all of us especially me

>> Lady gaga was a joke leila is for real

>> Leila will you marry me please

>> I actually thought I was going to marry leila .what an idiot I am

michael_schlact Michael Schlact: @JoseCanseco I’ll pray for you



Everyone has something they’d like to get off their chest. Aren’t we lucky they get to share it with us — unfiltered?

Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: Dealing with irrational people must suck, night tweeps 


ChrisPerez54 Chris Perez: My thoughts exactly http://t.co/xlFdfsL



LoMoMarlins Logan Morrison: Hey @SBerthiaumeESPN I stole your BFF. Mess with bull and you get the horns…

str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: the delta wing is the stupidest concept racer I’ve seen in 10 years. http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-06-deltawing-concept-car-le.html


MattAntonelli9 Matt Antonelli: Just moved into my apartment and found out I wont have TV for a week. Anyone who knows me knows this is like a form of Chinese Water Torture


OzzieGuillen Ozzie Guillen: Iam in very very bad mood stay away from me the most you can

» A lees for a week better tha way

» By the way is global every one staring whit my people

Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: Why is Omaha so windy. Everyday.


KFUCKINGP Kenny Powers: An airline where I can avoid #TSA playing grab-ass with me? Sign me the fuck up. http://bit.ly/ifdbPn


DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: LOL… My best friend Gordon just called me and said I’m at the airport… Like I’m suppose to drop everything and get him… SMH


Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: $117,953,712 – how much Ohio state football brought in during 2007-2008. I rest my case.


Decker6 Cody Decker: Congratulations FRS: healthy energy. You are on my list of products I will never use… You, Jockey Co. And anything else Tim Tebow endorses


Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s futile to try and rationally deal with irrational people. #peteyshrugged


SimplyAJ10 10: U give someone inch and they WILL take a foot.


PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Only 1 thing worse than unnecessary dives in the outfield. Unnecessary slides on base!!! #falsehustle


DanielJennings2 Daniel Jennings: Eating at cracker barrel again, somehow the service never gets better #toomuchcrackerbarrel


davidortiz David Ortiz: How is it that Yankees are leading @RedSox at every position in ASG voting? Come on #RedSoxNation: Vote and RT. http://atmlb.com/lVifw7


LoMoMarlins Logan Morrison: B? RT @JoshTurnes: @CSNGiants How dumb is @LoMoMarlins? A.) Dumb B.) Really Dumb C.) Really Really Dumb #moron


str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: dear hotel neighbor, you’ve been snoring like a jackhammer. I’ve been laughing like someone going to hell. best of luck/ fix that ish


JasonEsposito Jason Esposito: Vandy maintenance couldn’t be any louder in my room coughing and yelling.


MattAntonelli9 Matt Antonelli: 10:30 AM game today for kids day at the field…can’t wait to hear “Sponge Bob Square Pants!!!!” 642 times this morning


TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: I love how they put a book shelf behind Millar when he monologues. An obvious misdirection as there’s no porn or comic books on that shelf.



What are some of our favorite tweeps up to when they’re not playing ball?

JohnKruk_ESPN John Kruk: Thank goodness for twitter, I can occupy my time without getting into trouble


Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: I wanna catch a gator


blawrie13 Brett Lawrie: Watching “vinny chase and the chasers”


BrettAnderson49 Brett Anderson: Watching Bull Riding on tv…no thanks


JohnAxford John Axford: This has been my view all day! What an awesome relaxing day off! Totally #staching. http://t.co/Z7sBHAw


DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: At the @LouisVuitton_US store and these just looked at me, so what y’all think… Yes or No? http://lockerz.com/s/109173328


DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: I got 2 go 2 Walmart again so y’all know what that means… Get a cart cause I will be gettin more then what I came for… #NoBueno


MattAntonelli9 Matt Antonelli: Just watched Never Say Never on the bus ride to Indy…not the most manly thing I’ve done in the last 24 hours, but JB has a new fan


PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Wow i’m really blowing today. Now watching “I love you, Beth Cooper”


str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: this audi+peugeot battle in #LM24 qualifying is awesome. I’d love to go 208 mph in traffic, through chicanes. #iliketoparty


DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: Hell yea! I bought some for my fans. They loved it but I didn’t RT @Natifan80: @DatDudeBP Did u get any blue ice cream while at Kings Island 

>> Indeed i did… LOL my bad RT @Robbyweller: @DatDudeBP You cut in line on the Vortex in front of my twin brother. http://twitpic.com/564mjw

BrettAnderson49 Brett Anderson: i want to go see jack’s mannequin in sac..anyone?


MarkLamm44 Mark Lamm: I use to like #CivilWarWeek until it kept me from watching #SwampPeople this week.



JGuthrie46 Jeremy Guthrie: Up for the day & once again caught watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air on TNT. Best show ever! I think I have every episode memorized.

PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Last night was an example that nothing good happens after midnight. This guys having an early night!!


GrillCheese49 Jason Grilli: Good pregame workout. Xbox Kinect Soccer to warm up the muscles at Best Buy.


PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: I just clicked to the spelling bee for 5 minutes. I am not smart. Never even heard of the words.


One Hundred and Forty Characters (or less):

What can I say? One-liners are what Twitter is all about. 

GrillCheese49 Jason Grilli: You know you have to play better when these are found in minor league hotels. #justanotherreminder http://lockerz.com/s/107343537



TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: To truly know if LB James could ever be in Jordan’s class, LBJ must first endure a season of minor league baseball in Birmingham.

mrLeCure Sam LeCure: I can’t decide whether Q tips or the fingernail clipper is the greatest invention of all time… 


nickgreen20 Nick Green: Looks like the History channel has awesome dental insurance. #swamppeoplehttp://t.co/Zu6GNuO


LoMoMarlins Logan Morrison: Greatest Fear: Walk in2 a room filled w friends & fam & a stranger says “LoMo were all here bc we <3 u & r worried abt ur Twitter addiction”

>> Id be happy tho if my Interventionist was @ChrisHansen & he popped out from behind a curtain & said “why dont you take a seat over there”

BrianWilson38 Brian Wilson: Victoria’s Secret. Super Model. New MLB SF logo with PINK. Lines of gorgeous women. Success. 


michael_schlact Michael Schlact: “No one told me that fence was electric before I peed on it!” RT @BenjBowman: caption this pic http://twitpic.com/575ydp


Busch2142 Matt Buschmann: GENIUS WIT ALERT: Girl: “Hope you can hang” Me: “Consider me hung”…pretty sure her head exploded #greatmomentsinwittyhumor


PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Chicks dig the ground ball!!!! RT @leigh_streit: shouldn’t it say: “chicks dig the sidearm” ? @c1int404

>> Peter Moylan: RT @c1int404: @PeterMoylan Who wants a moylan twitter tshirt? http://t.co/wfgp1Iy


TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: .@bleedcubbieblue @robneyer Uh, scoring is down because I’m not in the big leagues, duh.


DAVIDprice14 David Price: lol flip a coinRT @SDLOVE77: @DAVIDprice14 Should I continue Watching WNBA or should I go on the roof and Throw hot Clam Chowder on People??


Busch2142 Matt Buschmann: Is that Spanish for awesome? “@DAVIDprice14: @Busch2142 you’re a weirdo”


michael_schlact Michael Schlact: I ran smack dab into the Phillie Phanatic tonight at our game in the tunnel. He was lurking around a dark corner. Let the nightmares begin.

NoPepperPlaying NoPepperPlaying (DEAN): @michael_schlact What would happen if you ran into a @TheGarfoose instead of Phanatic?

michael_schlact Michael Schlact: @NoPepperPlaying @TheGarfoose I would run faster than Forrest Gump


str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: Photo: ghost wings http://tumblr.com/x1v2x6qn1f


PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: For those asking http://lockerz.com/s/109123773


Decker6 Cody Decker: How much would it cost to hire Morgan Freeman to narrate my day to day life into a tape recorder for a week?…


ChrisPerez54 Chris Perez: Just walked by an open garage with a 40 year old man having a beer and rocking to the Spice Girls


TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: Congrats to all the new Draftees. You’re mine now, rookie scum. Welcome to hell! … I mean, hey, read my book, it’ll help. #mbdraft


BarryEnright54 Barry Enright: Gotta love people watching at the airport….She tired? http://lockerz.com/s/107669051


MarkLamm44 Mark Lamm: I’ve been asked if I need tickets to the game three times now. #GoDores


TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: .@mkpiatkowski HAPPY MOTHER F”NG BIRTHDAY, MOTHER F”ER #samielljacksonbirthdaywishes


michael_schlact Michael Schlact: I dreamt that I was running thru Ft. Worth, TX being chased by the “Red Bull” bull into the Stockyards where every #MiLB mascot was waiting.

>> At least I had clothes on. I used to have the “showed up to school naked” dream a lot.

DAVIDprice14 David Price: What’s the app that tells you where your iPad is if you lost it or got STOLEN???


mrLeCure Sam LeCure: For not being a ‘nap taker’ I’ve been taking some and boy do they feel good!! Hope y’all are enjoying your day, #beeasy


DALLASBRADEN209 Dallas Braden: Apparently “gently handle with care” @ the aquarium doesnt include skipping starfish across the tide pools. i mean their fish. they swim DUH


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