In addition to our tweeps usual rantings, ravings and humor, we have stories about a fish, an inside look at Tommy John surgery and Jose’s love life.
A Goldfish Named Squints:
A ballplayer never knows what he may find in his hotel room. Sometimes, you may even need a lawyer or teammates who can help with a quick getaway.
2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: @RickyRo24 @jparencibia9 what did you name your goldfish? #beastmodefish http://t.co/iCcwRjq
jparencibia9 jp arencibia: you know you are a stud when ur room comes with a gold fish! #verypro
2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: Done! “@BlueJayHip: @2Morrow23 @RickyRo24 @jparencibia9 Name it Squints! #CecIl” @CEC0208
CEC0208 Brett Cecil: wow…I’d put a lid on that bowl just in case he feels like jumping out…like those crazy fish on the news!
2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: RIP Squints 🙁 The lifespan of a goldfish must be about 3 hours @RickyRo24 @jparencibia9 @CEC0208
jparencibia9 jp arencibia: did u know ur not suppose to take it out and pet it?? #RIPsquints
2Morrow23 Brandon Morrow: I just loved it too much, it was like a scene from of mice and men, I didn’t know my own strength! http://t.co/2rR8SUI
jparencibia9 jp arencibia: maybe his heart stopped and will come back to life later? #hangover2
The Robotarm:
Chris Hayes, a RHP for the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs of the Atlantic League, recently had Tommy John surgery. Chris and his wife shared the experience with us, including a very graphic surgery photo.
discohayes Chris Hayes: Do they sell multiple-ply moist wipes? The ole trusty right hand is gonna be out of commission pretty soon here. #preparation 
>Ready to go http://t.co/y1L7xXG
Mrs. DiscoHayes: > Mrs.Disco here taking over until Chris is able to tweet left handed. If tweeting is 1/2 as successful as wiping, he’ll be back in no time.
> Attempting to eat lunch… and keep it down… while I watch Chris’s elbow repair.
> My honey’s perfect elbow. Warning it’s a graphic photo. http://t.co/iZwgsd7 (DEAN’S NOTE: She’s not lying.)
>: @michael_schlact here’s the #RoboArm he’s getting after Tommy Juan. Our nephews are so excited http://t.co/a94LcIA
And he did miraculously well at his 1st day of PT- 158 degrees of elbow extension! Says he’s 0 on a 0-10 pain scale http://t.co/2A67hvo
As promised, @discohayes‘ #robotarm http://t.co/ethY60r
» Disco is doing unbelievably awesome today. Currently snoozing. Here are a few pics from today- 1st, the elbow stitches: http://t.co/yyQVjGM
» 1st attempt at man-bathing my #robotarm husband = #fail
» End result: broken toilet seat, shower curtain collapse mid rinse, entire bathroom unintentionally hosed dwn, leg wound got wet, as did I.
» here’s my nominee for the #SchlactTwitPoll. U think the mani/pedi will wake him up? #robotarm @michael_schlact @Palo50http://t.co/VfUjKI8
The Drug Test:
While one minor league tweep is on painkillers getting “made-up” by his sneaky wife, another tweep got tested….
TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst
>> During Last night’s post game blood test (yes, they do that now) I asked the administers if their needles were certified “green”? (1/2)
>> Confused, they said no. Me: “Shame… I care about the environment, I always reuse, recycle, and repurpose my needles.” They backed away…
>> Never mind being tired and dehydrated when giving blood post game… there were no free cookies. Now that’s just wrong, MLB, just wrong.
>> .@RyNReid Yes fellow teammate, twitter noob, and competitive dance partner Ryan Reid, that post game drug test WAS a pain…
Love!
I’ll let this speak for itself. Schlact pretty much sums it up.
JoseCanseco Jose Canseco: I made a total fool of my self for someone who never even cared about me .what an idiot I am
>> Love makes fools out of all of us especially me
>> Lady gaga was a joke leila is for real
>> Leila will you marry me please
>> I actually thought I was going to marry leila .what an idiot I am
michael_schlact Michael Schlact: @JoseCanseco I’ll pray for you
Rants:
Everyone has something they’d like to get off their chest. Aren’t we lucky they get to share it with us — unfiltered?
Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: Dealing with irrational people must suck, night tweeps 
ChrisPerez54 Chris Perez: My thoughts exactly http://t.co/xlFdfsL
LoMoMarlins Logan Morrison: Hey @SBerthiaumeESPN I stole your BFF. Mess with bull and you get the horns…
str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: the delta wing is the stupidest concept racer I’ve seen in 10 years. http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-06-deltawing-concept-car-le.html
MattAntonelli9 Matt Antonelli: Just moved into my apartment and found out I wont have TV for a week. Anyone who knows me knows this is like a form of Chinese Water Torture
OzzieGuillen Ozzie Guillen: Iam in very very bad mood stay away from me the most you can
» A lees for a week better tha way
» By the way is global every one staring whit my people
Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: Why is Omaha so windy. Everyday.
KFUCKINGP Kenny Powers: An airline where I can avoid #TSA playing grab-ass with me? Sign me the fuck up. http://bit.ly/ifdbPn
DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: LOL… My best friend Gordon just called me and said I’m at the airport… Like I’m suppose to drop everything and get him… SMH
Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: $117,953,712 – how much Ohio state football brought in during 2007-2008. I rest my case.
Decker6 Cody Decker: Congratulations FRS: healthy energy. You are on my list of products I will never use… You, Jockey Co. And anything else Tim Tebow endorses
Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s futile to try and rationally deal with irrational people. #peteyshrugged
SimplyAJ10 10: U give someone inch and they WILL take a foot.
PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Only 1 thing worse than unnecessary dives in the outfield. Unnecessary slides on base!!! #falsehustle
DanielJennings2 Daniel Jennings: Eating at cracker barrel again, somehow the service never gets better #toomuchcrackerbarrel
davidortiz David Ortiz: How is it that Yankees are leading @RedSox at every position in ASG voting? Come on #RedSoxNation: Vote and RT. http://atmlb.com/lVifw7
LoMoMarlins Logan Morrison: B? RT @JoshTurnes: @CSNGiants How dumb is @LoMoMarlins? A.) Dumb B.) Really Dumb C.) Really Really Dumb #moron
str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: dear hotel neighbor, you’ve been snoring like a jackhammer. I’ve been laughing like someone going to hell. best of luck/ fix that ish
JasonEsposito Jason Esposito: Vandy maintenance couldn’t be any louder in my room coughing and yelling.
MattAntonelli9 Matt Antonelli: 10:30 AM game today for kids day at the field…can’t wait to hear “Sponge Bob Square Pants!!!!” 642 times this morning
TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: I love how they put a book shelf behind Millar when he monologues. An obvious misdirection as there’s no porn or comic books on that shelf.
Downtime:
What are some of our favorite tweeps up to when they’re not playing ball?
JohnKruk_ESPN John Kruk: Thank goodness for twitter, I can occupy my time without getting into trouble
Peteypipes Bryan Petersen: I wanna catch a gator
blawrie13 Brett Lawrie: Watching “vinny chase and the chasers”
BrettAnderson49 Brett Anderson: Watching Bull Riding on tv…no thanks
JohnAxford John Axford: This has been my view all day! What an awesome relaxing day off! Totally #staching. http://t.co/Z7sBHAw
DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: At the @LouisVuitton_US store and these just looked at me, so what y’all think…
Yes or No? http://lockerz.com/s/109173328
DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: I got 2 go 2 Walmart again so y’all know what that means… Get a cart cause I will be gettin more then what I came for… #NoBueno
MattAntonelli9 Matt Antonelli: Just watched Never Say Never on the bus ride to Indy…not the most manly thing I’ve done in the last 24 hours, but JB has a new fan
PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Wow i’m really blowing today. Now watching “I love you, Beth Cooper”
str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: this audi+peugeot battle in #LM24 qualifying is awesome. I’d love to go 208 mph in traffic, through chicanes. #iliketoparty
DatDudeBP Brandon Phillips: Hell yea! I bought some for my fans. They loved it but I didn’t RT @Natifan80: @DatDudeBP Did u get any blue ice cream while at Kings Island 
>> Indeed i did… LOL my bad RT @Robbyweller: @DatDudeBP You cut in line on the Vortex in front of my twin brother. http://twitpic.com/564mjw
BrettAnderson49 Brett Anderson: i want to go see jack’s mannequin in sac..anyone?
MarkLamm44 Mark Lamm: I use to like #CivilWarWeek until it kept me from watching #SwampPeople this week.
JGuthrie46 Jeremy Guthrie: Up for the day & once again caught watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air on TNT. Best show ever! I think I have every episode memorized.
PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Last night was an example that nothing good happens after midnight. This guys having an early night!!
GrillCheese49 Jason Grilli: Good pregame workout. Xbox Kinect Soccer to warm up the muscles at Best Buy.
PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: I just clicked to the spelling bee for 5 minutes. I am not smart. Never even heard of the words.
One Hundred and Forty Characters (or less):
What can I say? One-liners are what Twitter is all about. 
GrillCheese49 Jason Grilli: You know you have to play better when these are found in minor league hotels. #justanotherreminder http://lockerz.com/s/107343537
TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: To truly know if LB James could ever be in Jordan’s class, LBJ must first endure a season of minor league baseball in Birmingham.
mrLeCure Sam LeCure: I can’t decide whether Q tips or the fingernail clipper is the greatest invention of all time… 
nickgreen20 Nick Green: Looks like the History channel has awesome dental insurance. #swamppeoplehttp://t.co/Zu6GNuO
LoMoMarlins Logan Morrison: Greatest Fear: Walk in2 a room filled w friends & fam & a stranger says “LoMo were all here bc we <3 u & r worried abt ur Twitter addiction”
>> Id be happy tho if my Interventionist was @ChrisHansen & he popped out from behind a curtain & said “why dont you take a seat over there”
BrianWilson38 Brian Wilson: Victoria’s Secret. Super Model. New MLB SF logo with PINK. Lines of gorgeous women. Success. 
michael_schlact Michael Schlact: “No one told me that fence was electric before I peed on it!” RT @BenjBowman: caption this pic http://twitpic.com/575ydp
Busch2142 Matt Buschmann: GENIUS WIT ALERT: Girl: “Hope you can hang” Me: “Consider me hung”…pretty sure her head exploded #greatmomentsinwittyhumor
PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: Chicks dig the ground ball!!!! RT @leigh_streit: shouldn’t it say: “chicks dig the sidearm” ? @c1int404
>> Peter Moylan: RT @c1int404: @PeterMoylan Who wants a moylan twitter tshirt? http://t.co/wfgp1Iy
TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: .@bleedcubbieblue @robneyer Uh, scoring is down because I’m not in the big leagues, duh.
DAVIDprice14 David Price: lol flip a coinRT @SDLOVE77: @DAVIDprice14 Should I continue Watching WNBA or should I go on the roof and Throw hot Clam Chowder on People??
Busch2142 Matt Buschmann: Is that Spanish for awesome? “@DAVIDprice14: @Busch2142 you’re a weirdo”
michael_schlact Michael Schlact: I ran smack dab into the Phillie Phanatic tonight at our game in the tunnel. He was lurking around a dark corner. Let the nightmares begin.
NoPepperPlaying NoPepperPlaying (DEAN): @michael_schlact What would happen if you ran into a @TheGarfoose instead of Phanatic?
michael_schlact Michael Schlact: @NoPepperPlaying @TheGarfoose I would run faster than Forrest Gump
str8edgeracer C.J. Wilson: Photo: ghost wings http://tumblr.com/x1v2x6qn1f
PeterMoylan Peter Moylan: For those asking http://lockerz.com/s/109123773 
Decker6 Cody Decker: How much would it cost to hire Morgan Freeman to narrate my day to day life into a tape recorder for a week?…
ChrisPerez54 Chris Perez: Just walked by an open garage with a 40 year old man having a beer and rocking to the Spice Girls
TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: Congrats to all the new Draftees. You’re mine now, rookie scum. Welcome to hell! … I mean, hey, read my book, it’ll help. #mbdraft 
BarryEnright54 Barry Enright: Gotta love people watching at the airport….She tired? http://lockerz.com/s/107669051
MarkLamm44 Mark Lamm: I’ve been asked if I need tickets to the game three times now. #GoDores
TheGarfoose Dirk Hayhurst: .@mkpiatkowski HAPPY MOTHER F”NG BIRTHDAY, MOTHER F”ER #samielljacksonbirthdaywishes
michael_schlact Michael Schlact: I dreamt that I was running thru Ft. Worth, TX being chased by the “Red Bull” bull into the Stockyards where every #MiLB mascot was waiting.
>> At least I had clothes on. I used to have the “showed up to school naked” dream a lot.
DAVIDprice14 David Price: What’s the app that tells you where your iPad is if you lost it or got STOLEN???
mrLeCure Sam LeCure: For not being a ‘nap taker’ I’ve been taking some and boy do they feel good!! Hope y’all are enjoying your day, #beeasy
DALLASBRADEN209 Dallas Braden: Apparently “gently handle with care” @ the aquarium doesnt include skipping starfish across the tide pools. i mean their fish. they swim DUH
