The hottest topics for the week of September 25, 2011 …
Paging Dr. Heimlich: The Boston Red Sox and Atlanta Braves can’t stop losing games and their once-certain playoff plans are falling apart. Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan all sent sympathy cards.
City of Angels: The Angels topped the Dodgers in attendance for the first time ever – and that doesn’t count the no-shows. The people of L.A. have sent a clear message to Frank McCourt. Unfortunately, he can’t hear them with his head so far up his butt.
You’re fired: The Chicago White Sox released World Series-winning manager Ozzie Guillen from his contract. They didn’t want the Cubs to feel like they were the only team in town that doesn’t have a clue.
Manny being Manny: Former Indians, Red Sox, Dodgers and Rays outfielder Manny Ramirez wants to return to the league and serve his 100-day steroid suspension. More like Manny being Brett Favre.
What’s in a name: The Marlins’ Leo Nunez revealed that that’s not his real name. Yeah, I’ve seen this one. And then it turns out that he’s actually Keyser Soze.
Repeat offender: The Rockies say that manager Jim Tracy will be back in 2012, and possibly beyond. “This is the kind of thing that will give us the competitive edge we need next season,” said general manager Jed Hoyer … of the San Diego Padres.
Three of a kind: Strangely, the Brewers, Diamondbacks and Rangers all won their divisions on the same day – which hasn’t happened in 25 years. And, no, Alanis, it’s still not ironic.
The price is wrong: The Yankees’ Brian Cashman admitted he met with Carl Crawford in the off-season only to drive up the price for the Red Sox. It’s not surprising, since Cashman did the same thing when the Yankees signed Alex Rodriguez.
Karma: Michael Vick had a concussion in week two of the season and a severely bruised hand in week three. “Good,” said dogs everywhere.
This old man: A third of the new season of “The Walking Dead” is just footage of the Raiders’ Al Davis checking the mail.
On the move: Texas A&M is officially moving into the South Eastern Conference – because I don’t have enough trouble with geography.
Coming up short: With just two laps to go in a NASCAR race, Clint Bowyer ran out of gas. In his defense, he thought for sure he could still see a sliver of the line below the “E.”
Ring my bell: NHL superstar Sidney Crosby returned to the ice after concussions sidelined him last season. “I’m very excited to be here,” he said and then added, “I’m very excited to be here.”
Contributors: Eliza Bayne, Zach Pennington, Nick Astrupgaard, Glen Hentz